We hear this all the time and yet there are still a lot of women so desperate that they would believe the lies and excuses that a man feeds them. Unbelievable!
Earlier this week, I received a message from a TCF member.
She told me that her boyfriend has been dating her for over three years. He told her that his goal was to ultimately get married (I am guessing that he did not specify marrying HER or even hint at a timeframe), but she noticed that a lot of traditional Catholics tend to get married quickly into their relationship. Why was this so?
I explained to her that yes, generally, traditional Catholics and traditional Catholic priests frown upon long-term relationships ie 3 years+ for many reasons.
You should not even be dating unless you are ready to get married within 2.5 years, tops!
This includes not dating if you are not ready, financially or otherwise.
If you are still in school and have more than 3 years left to finish your studies, you should not be dating.
If you are between jobs, you should not be dating.
If you don’t feel quite ready to get married, but feel like you just want a boyfriend/girlfriend, you should not be dating.
A relationship is not a hobby. I repeat: A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT A HOBBY.
Do not date when you are ready to be someone’s girlfriend. Date when you are ready to be a wife!
Dating without an end goal in mind is like going to the store with no idea of what you really want. Chances are that you will waste your time and end up with nothing or leave with something that you do not really want.
Dating just to be in a relationship is not generally encouraged in the Church.
Traditional Catholics view dating or courtship as a means to an end – marriage.
We do not date just because.
Just like you would not go on job interviews if you are not ready or able to begin work in the near future, so too, you should not be dating or courting if marriage is not your goal in the near future.
There is an increased risk of falling into sin the longer that you date.
Chastity can be hard to maintain when you are dating.
The longer you are together, the deeper the emotional intimacy will build between you and emotional intimacy can very quickly lead to physical intimacy and falling into sexual sin.
It does not take three years for a man to know whether or not he wants to marry you.
Men fall in love far quicker than women – fact!
In fact, a lot of men have said that they knew within the 1st month of being with a woman that she was the one they wanted to marry.
As men are biologically designed to be competitive, to pursue and go after what they want, if the guy knows that he wants to marry you, he will want to lock you down quickly to prevent the competition from making off with his treasure – YOU.
My husband told me that he knew that he wanted to marry me within the 1st two weeks of meeting me.
He proposed within 8-9 weeks and we got married a year and a month from our 1st date.
At the time, money was very tight for him and he did not even have enough to buy an engagement ring.
He was so determined to make me his wife that he took out a small loan to buy me an engagement ring.
So, if a man is telling you to wait, or that he will marry you eventually, but he just needs to get a job, or save some money or whatever nonsense that he is coming up with, HE IS LYING.
He is either simply using you for whatever he is getting from you or keeping you in a holding pattern, waiting to see if he can do better than you.
This is disrespectful and this is not a guy that you want in your life.
If you do not treat yourself with respect, how can you expect any man to treat you with respect either?
You should never wait around for a man to get his life together before deciding to propose to you.
That is not loyalty, that is stupidity.
He is not your husband yet, so you should not be giving him that kind of loyalty.
You will not get paid for a job that you did not do, so why give husband-benefits to a boyfriend, if he has not married you yet?
Boyfriends DO NOT GET husband benefits.
He should have his life together BEFORE he starts dating you, not after. Never after!
You want a partner, a spouse, and a leader, NOT a project.
THIS STORY about Lena Dunham caught my attention this week.
The man led her on for FIVE YEARS before calling it off.
FIVE YEARS!! That is a HUGE CHUNK of her childbearing years. It is really quite sad.
If a man has not proposed within 2 years of being with you, he does not really want you and the chances of him proposing fall dramatically.
If he dates you for 3+ years before proposing, he was looking to better deal you and failing that, grudgingly decided to settle for you.
This is the sort of man that will have extramarital affairs after marriage because deep down, it was never you that he wanted.
During the marriage, you will be disrespected, taken for granted, and used as nothing more than a glorified housemaid that occasionally relieves his sexual desires.
Also, later in life, he could discard you for someone else, because you were never the one that he originally wanted,
HERE IS A STORY about another traditional Catholic who got married within 2 years.
I got married within 12-13 months.
It can be done and anybody that tells you otherwise is lying.
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you reinforce and what you stop.
When you see that a relationship is going nowhere, have some dignity!
Leave! Cut him off!!
Do not even tell him that you are leaving because he did not propose.
If you do, he might string you along for a few more years with more excuses or he might indeed propose, but resent you for it and cheat on you afterwards.
This is not what you want, ladies.
Just like poor Lena, a lot of these fake relationships usually end between 5-7 years.
Another example of these fake relationships can be seen HERE
Do not ever buy into the scarcity mindset; the mindset of “Well, I’d better hang on to this one because if I don’t, I would not find another man” That is utter rubbish!
When you close a door that is not for you, you demonstrate faith in God and He rewards your faith by opening another door for you…..the door that is YOURS.
The above scenario with the TCF reader and Lena is all too common today.
I even see this play out within the Church too.
I have seen men who would date a woman for years, with no ring or wedding in sight.
By the time the woman wises up or the man trades up on her or simply gets bored and just can’t hide the fact that he does not really want her, half a decade has gone by.
She is then discarded like trash, while he moves on to his next victim.
Meanwhile, she has lost a large part of her childbearing years and also her self-respect.
In many cases, this same man who spent 3, 5 or 10 years with his ex-girlfriend will meet a new woman and marry her within two years.
This can be devastating for you, as the ex, leaving you wondering what you did wrong and why you were not good enough for me.
It is nothing to do with you! You could have been the most perfect, beautiful, supportive woman in the world and he still wouldn’t have married you.
A man knows when he meets The One and if you are not The One for him, nothing that you do or say will change that.
Do not do this to yourself. Any man who is treating you badly or with disrespect is doing so because you are allowing him.
Life is just too short. Leave. Move on. Do better.
The more you open yourself to dating and quickly filter out the fakes, the quicker you will find your husband.
Time waits for no man and neither should you.
ad Jesum per Mariam