This article is inspired by an email I received from a TCF reader who tells me that the man who has been courting her for a while is now talking about marriage, so she believes an engagement ring might be forthcoming.
However, she wants to know how she can tell him the type of ring she would prefer without doing so directly aka the feminine way of dropping a hankie on your preferred choice of engagement ring.
Before I go into it, I know some women would say things like “Mine was a surprise!! Let him choose!! Any ring is fine! yada yada yada”
Ya, this article is not for you, so kindly scroll on. Thanks.
Right! Back to the topic!!
PS – if the man you are dating starts talking about marriage within the 1st 3 months, please end that relationship and run – he is love-bombing you and is predator, a narcissist and possibly an abuser too.
So you and your intended have been courting for a while, there are no RED FLAGS and your relationship has been steadily progressing at a healthy pace through all the stages of courtship and dating that i address HERE and now he is either dropping hints of a possible proposal or is talking marriage…….how exciting!!!….but you want him to make the right choice of engagement ring type
Engagement and marriage are a big deal, so it makes sense that a woman would be concerned about what engagement ring she would receive because, after all, she would be wearing it for the rest of her life.
And a man who truly loves you will want to get you something that you will like, NOT something that he likes because, again, it is YOU, NOT HIM, that would have to wear it for the rest of your life.
A selfish or self-absorbed man will get you a ring that only he likes without consulting you first. If he is trying to exploit you, he may get something that is not quite an engagement ring, like a promise ring or something else, in order to lure you into a false sense of security that he is actually proposing to you, when he is not.
You don’t want to be walking around with a skull ring that he decided is romantic and an engagement ring, if you do not feel the same way.
With major decisions like these, there be consultation and an agreement between you two. If that cannot or does not happen, it does not bode well for married life because, after marriage, you will both need to involve each other in other major decisions. And when a man does not consult you before ring shopping and then gets you a ring you do not like, it shows very controlling and manipulative tendencies and to be honest, you do not have to say Yes to the proposal.
You can say something like “I thought you knew me and loved me, and would get me something that I like. I am just not feeling this ring, I am sorry. Not even sure if you are being genuine right now. Perhaps another time. Sorry” and you withdraw your hand, with a sad face. Like I always say, we do not enable or condone bad behaviour in anyone.
Now, if he is not a manipulator or predator, and he wants to really marry you, he would consult you, go get you your preferred ring and propose again.
There are many stories of women who ended up with rings that they did not like from selfish men and they are miserable, so if it is important to you, then it is okay to let him know what ring you’d like
See my article ENGAGEMENT AND PROPOSAL RED FLAGS.
Being feminine does not mean being a doormat or being passive and letting him do all the work in the relationship. Men are not mind readers and they thrive best when there is a script they can follow.
With femininity, we do not overtly lead, we influence and we express our choices and preferences in a subtle, but feminine way.
And a man who truly loves you and wants to be sure that there is a high chance of you saying YES to his proposal, will get you a ring that he knows you will like.
So how do we make our engagement ring preferences known in a feminine manner?
Some men might take you ring shopping BEFORE proposing – which is not my thing because I like it to be a surprise and going ring shopping takes away a bit of the allure and magic.
Some men may take you ring shopping AFTER proposing – not recommended because you should not have said Yes without a ring in his hand first. And again, ring shopping takes away a bit of the allure, surprise element and magic.
Other men may actually ask you directly or indirectly what type of ring you’d like. This is the option my husband took. He wanted me to be happy with what he chose and so after he had been dropping hints about marriage for a few weeks, he directly asked me what type of ring I would like and I was open, honest and specific with him. I said “A princess cut solitaire diamond on yellow gold band” A few more weeks went by and when the proposal came, it was a lovely surprise and I totally loved the ring he got me.
If your guy does this, then you are lucky. Have in mind the type of ring you want: stone, cut, and the metal of the band. Then let him go hunt for your ring.
Another option is for those who use social media and if the guy is someone that likes to surprise you.
Let’s say you both have your individual Pinterest accounts, you can create a board that you title something subtle like “Beautiful Rings” or “I Love This” etc. In essence, don’t name it “My preferred engagement rings”
Next, you have him follow you on Pinterest and you follow him too. And in that board, you only pin the types of engagment ring you like. So if your preference is for an emerald cut diamond ring or a 3-stone ring, you make sure over 90% of the rings you pin to that board are these types of rings. If you post too many different types of rings, he may get confused on which type you prefer.
What if you or your guy does not use social media?
Easy. Get hold of his phone, laptop or desktop computer and conduct a search for your engagement ring. If getting his phone, just be casual about it and say something like “babe. can I just borrow your phone for a minute?”
But don’t just do any just any search. Don’t go searching for “engagement rings pictures”.
Be specific and search for the exact type of engagement ring that you like. So, for example, you search for “pictures Emerald cut engagement ring with platinum band USA” and then you open up and view all the images you like in the search result.
This way, you are searching for the cut you like, the type of band you like and in the location where he is, which would make it easier for him to search for a store or online shop that stocks that type of ring.
You will need to do this several times a week for several weeks so the search results stick on his phone. And then whenever he goes to use his phone or computer, he would get all these search result suggestions.
If he asks you about it, just casually say “Oh, I was just looking at those pretty rings.” He will get the hint.
As you can see, feminine energy is not only receptive but is also subtle.
What other feminine suggestions will you add to this list
Our Lady, model of womanhood, pray for us.
ad Jesum per Mariam