I’m sharing this message that I received from a TCF reader:

Hi Paige,

I want to thank you immensely for the work you do.  Your work has saved the lives and time of many women, including myself, from liars, manipulators, and non-committal people. 

I also wanted to share how your advice helped me. 

Your dating advice on vetting always recommend looking through a guy’s social media accounts and posts to have an idea of what he is like and how he treats the past women in his life, to know how he will treat you, because like you always say: the best predictor of future behaviour is past behavior. 

PS – She is also referring to my Facebook post that I shared HERE

A guy was trying to date me in the past couple of months, and before I agreed to a first date, I searched for his social media accounts.  During our pre-date chats, he would often tell me that the reason why he broke up from his ex was because she was very controlling, suffocating and jealous, and that she was always accusing him of staring at other women when it wasn’t true, and so he couldn’t take it anymore.  

He said they dated for 5 years and made it seem like it was he who walked away from the relationship

I had a sneaking feeling that he was trying to condition me ahead of time – so that if he starts staring at other women when with he is with me,  I would simply shut up and not be like his ex. 

So I quietly and anonymously scrolled through his Facebook posts. I didn’t add him on Facebook and luckily for me, his profile was open and he had a lot of public posts. During the time they were together, he posted many pictures of them together, on trips and so on. The timeline of the relationship was accurate, but he lied about him walking away. It was she who walked away, and in fact, the first time that she tried to leave him before, it was him who pulled her back in, as he shared a pic of them on a date that he titled something like “you wanted to leave me, but here you are with me again”

I also noticed throughout the entire time they were together, she looked stressed, drained, and older than her years.  

As he had tagged her in his posts, I was able to find her social media account, and so I visited her page too. 

After they broke up, she started dating a new guy, and not only did she start looking better and glowing again, her new guy made her very happy and in less than 2 years, he proposed to her. 

This guy that wanted to date me had led her on for 5 years in a toxic and possibly abusive relationship, based on how drained and ill she looked when with him, hoovered her back when she tried to leave, and still refused to commit to her. 

After she left him, she was not only able to find a happy, secure loving relationship, but the new guy also committed to her. 

Seeing all this, I still decided not to write him off completely and to give him one chance to prove himself. I went on that first date with him. Almost entirely throughout the date, he kept staring and staring at a couple of other women at other tables.  

It seems his ex wasn’t paranoid and jealous, after all. He is just a disrespectful and lustful man with uncontrollable wandering eye.  If he is like this when around me, in the first stages of a possible relationship, how would he be behind my back?

His behaviour on the date was all that I needed to know, and after that date, I declined more dates from him and told him that I just didn’t think we were a good match. 

Phew! Thank you so much for all the advice and content you provide, Paige

I also wanted to share this story to let other women who are in toxic, abusive or non-committal relationships know that it is okay to “throw that man away” as you always say. lol.  

It really is the only way you’ll be able to move on and find a man who adores you, makes you happy, and commits to you. 

Never settle, ladies, and thank you, S, for sharing your awesome story.

Never let your ‘boyfriend’ stop you from meeting your husband. 

Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us!

 

 ad Jesum per Mariam