This article is in response to the traditional Catholic men who wrote to me wanting tips and advice on successfully planning dates while also conveying that they are masculine Protectors and Providers.
If you follow my website and articles, you will recall that Biblical manhood and traditional masculinity is based on two key features that God requires from men, since the time of Adam:
- The ability to Provide
- The ability to Protect
A truly traditional feminine Catholic woman will be looking for evidence of this in your conduct before and during the dating process.
If you claim to be a traditional Catholic man who is embodying Biblical manhood, you must be embodying these two characteristics, especially in the early courting phase when you are trying to attract a suitable traditional Catholic feminine woman.
However, modern society has infected many of us with modern dating practices that a lot of us do not know how to court properly or even approach a woman.
After all, Biblical manhood and traditional masculinity are timeless and desirable traits.
Just check out this gentleman who is a TCF reader and now happily married.
I must warn you though that these tips WILL NOT WORK on women who are liberal or feminist-minded.
These types of women often love to be in control and they do not like to see masculinity in men, so steer clear of them if you want a loving, traditional Catholic feminine woman.
BEFORE THE DATE
So you met this lovely woman online or offline.
You approached her first and after initial pleasantries, you promptly asked her for a date and she said Yes, you lucky thing!
So far, you have been doing all the right things: being direct, not wasting time with endless chitchat or texting…
All of this points to assertive confidence and are traits of a man who is capable of leading.
Traditional Catholic feminine women will be looking for this because they want to be sure that the man they choose to date and eventually marry is capable of leading them firmly, but lovingly.
And if you wish to be in a traditional relationship and marriage, you need to be able to lead your family.
If you are unable to demonstrate this, the woman will not trust you enough to later submit to you in marriage, if you are even able to get that far.
When planning the date, NEVER ask the woman to come to your home, your territory, or your town and do not ask to meet her halfway.
All of these screams “I am lazy and can’t make the effort to pursue you” and is a put-off for traditional women.
You are the man; you do not want to give the impression that you are lazy or not physically fit enough to make a simple journey to her.
A lot of women may be cautious about you visiting her at her home, so instead offer to meet at the town nearest to her town.
This way she is still on familiar grounds and will feel safe.
General location for the date sorted.
The timing of the date will determine the type of activity you will engage in, so follow her cue on this.
Ask her: “what day and time would be best for you?”
If she gives you a time between 10am – 4pm, then you know she wants a day date.
If she gives you a time between 5pm – 9pm, then she is expecting an evening date.
Whatever time frame she chooses, select a time close to what she says.
For example, if she says 3pm, then you select either 2pm or 4pm
At this point, in the past, is where you say something like “Great, I will pick you up at 2pm/4pm”, but a lot of women, if they do not already know you, will not want you to have their home address just yet.
That is okay. Do not offer to pick her up from her home.
Instead, say something like this “Great! Let us meet for 2pm (or 4pm). I will call you when I have finalised something.”
Now, you need to go plan the date.
PLANNING THE DATE
According to what you know so far about her, select THREE different dates:
- A fun activity casual date eg bowling
- A restaurant-type date – if she chose a timeframe in the day, choose a really nice cafe; if she chose a timeframe in the evening, choose a nice restaurant.
- An in-between date. This can be like a museum date or something similar.
Whatever you do, never select a cinema date.
Make sure these three different dates are all within the same general location of her town or the town nearest to her.
And select dates that you can actually afford to pay for.
Don’t select a high-end restaurant if all you can afford is a mid-range restaurant.
Next, call her (please, no texting) and arrange to meet at the nearest train station, bus station or another neutral public place in that area.
Example: “Hello Jane. This is John. Let us meet at 2pm in front of Paddington Station”
Another alternative to this is to pre-select the three dates beforehand and when you call her to confirm the date, you offer her the three choices: “Hey, Jane. I was thinking we could go bowling or perhaps have dinner and drinks at ABC restaurant/cafe or see the new collection at XYZ museum. Which would you prefer?”
This way, she knows what type of date to expect and she can choose her outfit accordingly.
Plus, you are demonstrating that you can plan and lead, but also are also taking into consideration her choices and preferences.
For the date, dress in clean, smart attire.
You want to look like you made an effort, not like you rolled out of bed.
You do not have to wear a suit, but wear a shirt and smart shoes – no trainers and no shorts.
Also, take a little gift with you for her.
A single red rose is most appropriate.
Chocolate can be nice, but you do not know if she has sugar issues, diabetes, or is watching her figure.
Now when you meet her in your pre-arranged location, be sure you compliment here, but not in a creepy, thirsty way.
A simple “You look very beautiful” is enough.
At this point, if you went with Option 1 above, you quickly observe what she is wearing.
If she is wearing sneakers or flat shoes and dressed casually, then you should go for the casual activity date that you have pre-selected.
If she is dressed very smartly, with heeled shoes and more makeup, go for the restaurant date.
If her attire is more in-between, then go for the in-between date.
ON THE DATE
Make sure you pay for the date, and do so quickly and discretely before she can offer to pay.
If you decide to go halfsies, do not be surprised if she declines further dates with you.
If she is someone who furiously insists that she pays for the date, then you are dealing with a woman who is controlling.
Do not see her again.
A traditional Catholic feminine woman would graciously let you pay for the date and by so doing, she is displaying that she is willing to rely on you and submit to you.
Towards the end of the date, if you would like to see her again, you must say so.
None of this nonsense of waiting 3 days or a week.
Tricks are for kids and only boys play silly games.
So, say something like this “I have really enjoyed this date and would like to see you again. When would be a good time for us to have a second date?”
If she gives you a second date and time period, you go home and plan the next date again, as outlined above.
If she says something like “Let me check my schedule and get back to you”, then you wait until she later texts you her availability.
TO KISS OR NOT TO KISS
Whatever you do, do not kiss her on this 1st date.
It is creepy and reeks of desperation. You may scare her off.
If you are holding her hand, which you should find a way to do so as you come to the end of the date, you lift it up to your lips, and looking her directly in the eyes, you kiss the back of her hand.
This is respectful and very romantic, and more likely to make her want to see you again.
Also, see APPROPRIATE KISSES
Now, you cannot see her to her door, but wait for her to get her bus or get her train before you leave and be sure to text her something like “Let me know when you get home safe.”
Following these date planning techniques as outlined above demonstrates to her that you are:
- A provider – evidenced by you paying for the date and getting her a gift.
- A leader – evidenced by you taking the time to research and plan the date. Women like a man who can lead.
- A Protector – you want her to feel safe and secure, so you arranged the date in a location where she would feel safe
Remember, no self-respecting man will expect his date to come to his area/home or plan the date or pay for the date.
If you want a woman to be feminine, soft and yielding towards you, you earn that by being a masculine, proactive, protective provider man.
For the 1st three months, keep the dates to once a week and no more. And no lengthy phone conversations or texts either – you will not have the clarity to observe her properly unless you interacting in person with her
You also do not want to overwhelm her or overstretch yourself financially.
Keep using the above technique and keep planning various fun, non-heavy dates
After 10-12 weeks, if you would like to take things further to the official Courtship stage and ask for exclusivity, then you do so.
To make this occasion special, get her a nice piece of jewelry – a delicate bracelet or pendant necklace together with half a dozen roses is more than enough.
Do not get exclusive before this 3month mark as you want to be observing her during the dates to make sure she is suitable for you, is not a gold digger or toxic narcissistic woman.
Also, a traditional feminine Catholic woman will not respect you if you rush things and you may lose her completely.
If you find she is not suitable for you, then thank her for time, wish her the best and be man enough to let her go.
I hope this article helps you successfully navigate courtship and dating
St Joseph, patron of traditional manhood and Biblical masculinity, pray for us.