“Catholic women, especially the traditional ones, are so picky! They hardly give us decent Catholic men a chance!” is a recurring complaint that I hear from some Catholic men who email or message me.

It’s such a common complaint that it prompted me to write this piece.

Of course, pickiness does go both ways as I have heard several stories of Catholic men with the most ridiculous expectations of women, but that is a topic that I would cover some other time.

Below are two of some of the messages that I have received from traditional Catholic men who complain that Catholic women are turning down eligible prospects because they are very picky.

MR C

MR P

I am generally in favour of women being picky, Catholic or not.

A woman is biologically driven to be picky and discerning when choosing the right man whom she would marry and have children with.

There is a good reason for this too.

Choosing a man who is physically fit and healthy was and still is necessary due to the subconscious drive to choose a man who can adequately provide for the family, and also protect and defend the family.

Choosing a man with resources (ie income or a stable job) is necessary as the resources will help in taking care of the vulnerable offspring, ESPECIALLY during the months when the woman is pregnant and unable to work, and also during early childhood of the offspring, when their development is crucial and therefore the mother needs to be at home, raising those children.

This biological instinct is perfectly natural and has been put into place by God to not only ensure the survival of our species, but also to ensure strong societies.

For virtuous, discerning women are more likely to choose well, raise their children and family well, leading to children who become strong, virtuous adults, and creating a strong, virtuous society.

Here are some reasons why I think single Catholic women are being so picky:

EFFEMINATE MEN

This does not necessarily translate into men acting in a feminine manner.

This can present as men who are indolent, lazy, low in ambition, or they generally just love excessive pleasure and the easy life.

As Fulton Sheen said: The hallmarks of masculinity are suffering (ie sacrifice) and responsibility.

Look around you. Does this describe a vast of majority of men that you see around you? No!
There is nothing more offputting and unattractive than a man with no manliness or masculinity, actively seeking or chasing after a traditionally feminine woman.
A feminine woman would only be drawn to her counterpart – a masculine man.

THE IMMATURE MANCHILD

There is nothing attractive about a man who spends a vast majority of his free time on video games and other childish pursuits. This, as Fr Ripperger points out, is a form of effeminacy.
Women want a man, NOT a manchild. We are not your mommies.
Spiritual and physical leadership is a Biblical requirement for husbands and men like these are unable to lead in any way, and therefore, have no business getting married.
These type of men may also go for a woman who is more educated than them or who is intellectually or financially superior to them.
Who are you kidding?! We woman can tell that such a man expects us to bear both the emotional, financially and physical weight of the relationship.
These men are looking for a mommy, a mother-figure to fill all the roles that a man is supposed to fill.
Men complain about nagging wives when in truth, they are the ones acting in irresponsible, effeminate and childish ways. If you, as a man, put yourself in the position of effeminate, immature manchild, you change the dynamics of the relationships and you force your wife into the role of Mother, so do not complain when she starts to lead, dominate and nag you.

THE CONFUSED ABUSER

These are immature or psychologically stunted men who equate Biblical masculinity and manliness with being abusive and controlling. They have no clue how to be a man and they attempt to exert their dominance in unhealthy ways.

Here is what they tend to look like.

It makes sense that a woman who is emotionally and psychologically healthy would give men like these a wide berth.

FINANCIALLY LAZY

A man who is unwilling to be the main breadwinner for his future family deserves to be passed over.

Being the breadwinner is not only a Biblical requirement for husbands, but it is ESSENTIAL for happy, functional marriages and well-adjusted children.
Some of these men will come up with nonsense like it is too hard for the man to be the breadwinner in today’s economy.
Utter rubbish! There are lots of families thriving and surviving on just the man’s income.
Another fallacy I hear from these men is that in order for them to be the breadwinners, they need to have a high income.
Again, more nonsense! I know of several families surviving on the husband’s income and the husband is a teacher or bus driver etc.

It is not about how much you earn, but how you manage what you earn.
THRIVING ON A SINGLE INCOME CAN BE DONE! Read more HERE.

RIDICULOUS EXPECTATIONS

Some men only go for traditional Catholic women, especially women several years younger than them because they have an expectation of the woman being virginal and also easier to control, manipulate or dominate.
You are not fooling us. A lot of us women can sense this disgusting manipulation a mile off and are repulsed.

I recently learnt of a Catholic guy complaining that his girlfriend lied to him about being a virgin and admitted she was not a virgin after he had sex with her.

He deserved to be deceived! You want a virginal woman, but you are so dishonourable that you are willing to take her precious virginity without marrying her first.

Serves him right!

ADDICTION

Any form of addiction (drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, porn etc) is a sign of a problematic personality.

Addictions are also comorbid with other unpleasant character traits such as lying, stealing, dishonesty, deception, lack of self-control, desire for instant gratification and so on.
Marriage is a major responsibility and an addict has no business getting married. Women want an adult, responsible partner, NOT a project.

It is not our job to fix you. We are not your mommies!

Grow up! Be an adult! Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Stop delegating your responsibilities to us – it is unhealthy and manipulative.
Our job is to love you, NOT fix you.

LACK OF VIRTUE

This generally presents as a man being unable to control himself with the woman he is dating.
Yes, yes, we get it that you are very attracted to us, but dude, control yourself – seriously!
If we can’t trust you with our virtue, we certainly can’t trust you to be virtuous and faithful after marriage.
A man’s inability to sacrifice his desires in relation to the woman he is courting shows lack of discipline, lack of virtue and a form of effeminacy.
Real men sacrifice. Real men do the hard stuff.

PUNCHING ABOVE HIS BELT

If you guys decide to go for a woman who is intellectually or financially superior to you, then do not get surprised if she refuses your proposal or courtship, or dominates and emasculates you in marriage.
You men want the trophy wives when you need to be staying in your lane.
A woman cannot love or submit to a man that she does not respect.

Given the above, what then does good husband material look like, in my opinion?

TRADITIONAL CATHOLIC

He must be a Catholic and preferably a traditional Catholic.
Religious differences are one of the major causes of conflict and divorce between spouses. In addition, as a man is expected to lead the family, both physically and spiritually, it is vital that he is on the same page with me when it comes to my faith and beliefs.

AGE

What is the acceptable age difference for couples?

This is all down to your personal preference, but a vast majority of successful, thriving marriages are between couples where a) the man is older than the woman, and b) the age difference does not exceed 15 years.

FREE OF ADDICTIONS

This includes someone who is free of active addictions, such as porn, gambling, drugs, and alcohol.

OPEN TO LIFE

This is very important. There is no point in getting married if he is not open to life. Raising children and having a family is the primary function of marriage. People think that marriage is built on love; no, it is not.
Marriage is built on justice. It is to provide protection for offspring that the union produces and also to ensure mutual bodily rights.

LEADERSHIP & MATURITY

As a feminine woman, only a masculine man, capable of physical and spiritual leadership is attractive to me.

How can she submit to a man that she has to lead and mother?

He is meant to lift her and the family up to God – that is the natural order put into place by God. Anything else results in chaos as we see in a lot of ‘modern’ marriages today.

ABLE TO PROVIDE

He should be able to be the breadwinner and provide for his wife and the family.
His job type and income size are irrelevant, but he must be willing to allow the traditional feminine Catholic woman to be a Stay At Home Wife and Stay At Home Mother.
Along the same lines, such a man should be in stable employment and also reasonably ambitious. Masculinity and ambition do go hand in hand.
A man with ambition is a man with a vision for both himself and his family. He has a clear idea of what he intends to achieve and where he intends to go, and he is also able to lead his family in that direction

Thankfully, most Catholic men who write to me actually thank me for inspiring women to have higher standards. My articles spur them into improving on themselves and they are beginning to see the benefits in their lives.
They tell me that my message is both direct and blunt, but it can only be a good thing in the long run because it will inspire men like them to improve upon themselves and this would have a positive ripple effect on the family and then society.

Here’s a message that I received from one of such men.

For those men who are having their courting efforts frustrated by picky women, I encourage you to rediscover your masculinity.

Society has emasculated and feminised men so much that a vast majority of men just do not know how to be real, masculine men anymore.

It is not just about looking for traditional, feminine Catholic women.

You also need to work on yourself……even more so than women, due to feminism and the sexual revolution’s active emasculation of manhood for decades.

It is natural to lead the way in this change. If you do not lead, how can you expect any woman to respect or even submit to you?

Refusal or inability to lead will result in women dominating, controlling and nagging you.

Get in touch with your masculine energy. Be a man. Lead the way by being a traditional, masculine man and you will notice a) women around you becoming more feminine and submissive, and b) traditional, feminine women being more attracted to you.

It is a GOOD THING that women are picky. Women have always been the great civilisers. The rise or fall of a society has always been in the hands of a woman, from Eve, to Mary, to now.

Today’s men have become feminised, infantile, impotent shadows of themselves due to the influence of feminists, women who distort and invert true femininity.

Now, we traditional Catholic women are here to reverse that trend; to spur you on and inspire you to become better, more masculine, more Biblical and more fulfilled versions of yourselves.

We love you and want only the best for you.

St Joseph, model of true manhood and masculinity, pray for us!