This particular issue has been weighing on my mind for a while and I had considered making a blog post about this, but for some reason, kinda forgot.
So I came across someone’s post online that prompted me to write this blog post.
Below are excerpts:
When it comes to young people in traditional Catholic circles, I can’t help but notice a growing problem when it comes to marriage.
We have a lack of real men that can’t even reach the minimum when it comes to being marriageable. Then we have young Catholic women unable to find suitable mates.
These women are aging beyond their prime because they can’t find men that reach standard, three things happen :
1) They wait, losing their precious years of fertility. This causes desperation, because women have a biological clock to beat. Every year beyond 25 increases chances of complication.
2) They lower their standards, which tends to lead to unhappy, broken marriages.
3) Or they simply look for older men. Not all of them desire this, and even marriageable men above 30 are still hard to come by.
There are too many guys on here (including myself) that have deluded themselves into thinking they’re ready for marriage. We aren’t even close.
Men should be working on the holy trinity of marriagbility: spiritual, physical and financial excellence!
Traditional women want men that will lead them, and children to heaven. Man is head of the family, so lead by example.. If you aren’t working for holiness, don’t even bother. Pray more, conquer the 6th Commandment, and stop watching porn.
The scenario described above isn’t just exclusive to Catholic circles; it is a global issue and one that needs to be addressed.
The solution to this is simple: marry an older man; preferably 10-15 years older.
He should be at least 35 years .
Women generally mature faster than men, approximately 10-12 years faster, psychologically and emotionally.
So if you are dating a man who is the same age as you, you’ll find that he has the mentality of someone 10-12 years younger, which is just not appealing!
If you are the type of woman who is more masculine ie you are prone to lead, nurture or mother a man, you may like this, but if you are like most traditional women who prefer to be led and be taken care of, then this would not feel natural to you and for good reason too.
You were not created to mother a man. It demeans and emasculates them, and to be honest, it’s downright disrespectful!
Mothering a man is modern’s society way of emasculating and feminising men, and for successful marriages and families to thrive, this dynamic should not be encouraged because everyone loses out in the end – EVERYONE.
I do believe that God created women to mature faster than men, emotionally and psychologically, because our accelerated mental and psychological development is required to properly raise the next generation.
I also believe that God set up this design so the woman will be more suited to a man who is 10-15 years older, as a man in that stage of his life is usually in a better place, financially and materially to protect, led and provide for her and their children.
This is why many men hit their 40s and then start swapping out their same-age spouses for younger women, or start chasing after younger women.
Or worse, they start going for sugar babies.
While their behaviour is deplorable and not excusable, do not blame or shame them. Don’t blame this on mid-life crisis either.
They are simply doing what their biology created them to do.
Despite his biological maturity, a man is just not mentally, psychologically or materially ready to be married and have a family until his 30s.
Now, I am not advocating men go abandoning their wives for a younger model.
I am simply saying, to the women out there who are unable to find a suitable mate, go older! Date a man 10-15 years older than you.
Trust me. You will save yourself the heartache and wasted time.
Not only would your older spouse cherish and love you more than if you were the same age; you will remain ever youthful to him and the chances of you being heartbroken later in life should he choose to get a younger woman, resort to porn and neglect you are slim to none.
Men biologically choose a mate for their youth and beauty.
This is why many healthy, masculine single men are attracted to women in their 20s.
Women biologically choose a mate for the comfort and material security he can provide her. This is why a healthy, feminine woman is attracted to a man who is more established in his career, as this is an indication of material security.
These desires in both genders are God-given desires to help steer us into His natural template for successful marriages and holy, happy families.
When we deviate from His template for the traditional family and marriage, we suffer – just take a look around you.
Miserable unmarried women who are career-focused, plummeting birth rates as a result, broken and/or stressed families due to both spouses working outside the home, emasculated men with no purpose, and of course, children paying the consequences.
The younger woman, older more established man dynamic is a dynamic that works!
Age-gap relationships, no more than 15 years, work!
Just take a look at our Lady and St Joseph – their relationship model is perfection!
She was younger and he was older and of course, more established in his career and thus able to provide.
Now, compare that with Adam and Eve, who were both around the same age.
Well. We all know what happened with THAT relationship!
She dominated him, as women are naturally inclined to do, and he, without the advantage of age and experience, lacked the will and discipline to lead that relationship.
A woman who is out of sync with her femininity will baulk at the idea of going for an older man, even if he is more suited to protect and provide for her.
This type of woman desires a good-looking man, a nice face or a hot body – the desire that prioritises a man’s looks over his ability to provide IS a masculine trait.
Being that thirsty ain’t cute or feminine.
When you reconnect with your true femininity and reject the lies fed to you by feminism, modern women and today’s looks-obsessed culture, you will understand that one of the most important traits for choosing a future husband is NOT what he looks like, but his ability to provide for you and the children that will result from your union.
You do not marry a person for their looks.
You marry a person for their ability to partner with you in raising your progeny and a pretty face will not put a roof over your head or your kids through school.
If you, as a woman, do not understand this, you honestly have no business getting married, let alone bringing a child into this world.
And if you do decide to marry a man based on how good-looking he is or based on him being within your age-range, then you should not complain when you reach your 40s and your marriage rapidly goes downhill.
Follow God’s plan.
Marry while you are in your mid-twenties and above, but marry a man who is older, and no more 10-15 years older than you.
Even if you are a late bloomer or in your 40s and yet to marry, it is still preferable to marry someone at least 5 years older.
For sure, there are many same-age or older woman-younger man marriages that work out and decades later, the couple are still completely besotted with each other – their marriage never been tainted with infidelity, adultery, or porn.
But these marriages are VERY RARE – they are the exception and not the norm.
Just like there are several people who smoke and don’t get cancer.
Do you REALLY want to take that gamble?!
What then does this mean for younger men?
Keep working on yourself.
Build your career and get a solid foundation for yourself, financially and materially.
Work on developing leadership skills because the task of successfully leading a marriage and family, is similar to being the CEO of a small company.
In addition, having leadership skills would help you understand how to firmly, but lovingly lead your wife, without allowing her to dominate you, which all women are naturally inclined to do, thanks to the curse of Eve.
Men, you develop these leadership skills by steadily climbing the ladder in your career or field of work, and gaining more responsibility as you go.
Even if you are not an executive or a manager at work, you can volunteer in your spare time with the Scouts, Knights of Columbus or similar organisations as these provide opportunities for you to learn and acquire leadership, character and collaborative skills – all skills that you will need in order to be an effective husband, father and leader of your own home and family.
SIDE NOTE: Women looking to get married, be sure to look for signs of leadership skills in a man. If he is not an executive, manager or even team leader of some sort at work, look to see if he is in some leadership role outside of work, ie in his hobbies or volunteer work.
If this is absent, DO NOT DATE HIM. He would seriously lack the discipline, responsibility, self-control, maturity and ability to build anything serious with you, let alone to lead, protect and provide.
You younger men that say that you are ready for marriage.
You are not. You are really not. Trust me!
What you mean is that you want a permanent housekeeper with whom you can have unrestricted sex whenever you want.
This is not fair on your would-be spouse and it is no wonder that many of your marriages deteriorate into the Mommy-ManBaby role.
She is too mature for you and you are far from ready to be a husband and father.
Try again in your mid-forties, k?
Don’t want to wait that long?
Well, grow up then! Give up the porn and excessive gaming.
There are young men in their 20s, who are already established in their careers and have developed discipline and leadership skills. These men do not have to wait till their 30s to get married. They are ready to take on the responsibility of marriage.
However, men like these are rare and the vast majority of you young fellas out there are nowhere ready or able to be married. Go work on yourself.
Develop discipline and leadership skills.
I understand that it can be difficult waiting as you are brimming with all those hormones, but you are a man, aren’t you?
Saying that you have to marry young or risk fornication shows lack of self-control, which is a MAJOR character defect.
Are you a man or are you a weakling?
God gave us these powerful life-creating sexual urges, yes, but He also called us to practise chastity as this builds self-control, discipline and character.
Otherwise, you might as well go plug into any orifice (man, animal etc) just to satisfy those urges, right?
Of course not!
We have these urges, this life-creating energy for a reason!
Sexual energy is indeed VERY POWERFUL because it creates NEW LIFE!
Why else do you think God calls us to chastity and learning self-control, while giving us powerful creative urges BEFORE we are ready to pair bond and marry?!
And when you direct it into building your career and self-development, instead of pleasuring yourself or using women as surrogate blow-up dolls, you gain impressive results and accelerated progress. You create something new!
You are either creating new biological life ie within marriage or you are creating personal and career success, so channel those urges properly.
A man who can’t be chaste before marriage will not be faithful after marriage, and to get married JUST so you can have a sex-buddy is insulting & reduces women to objects for your use!
Dominate those urges and channel that energy into your career, into personal development, and into physical fitness.
Women do not exist to be your port for sexual release!!
Only a sexual predator thinks like that or views women in that way.
Discipline builds character, and a man of discipline and self-control is VERY attractive to women.
Only a man of character, who is mature, disciplined, responsible and knows how to lead is ready for the BIG responsibility of being a husband and father, a leader of his own little clan, and a man worth submitting to.
Our Lady, seat of wisdom, pray for us!
St Joseph, guardian of the Virgin and light of Patriarchs, pray for us!
ad Jesum per Mariam
12 thoughts on “Shortage of Marriageable Prospects Among Traditional Catholics”
Very ccreative post
It’s annoying because I weigh 190 lbs, and am 5’5″ and I don’t look very fat, but I’m not thin or fit either….. I love to cook and yes, I love to eat…..
But even at my FSSP, in the young adult groups, no man seems interested in me, and even thin and fit ladies aren’t being asked out on dates or courted…. only few…
I want to lose weight, but it’s hard…. and I fear that even if I did, I still wouldn’t find a man who’d be man enough to take the lead…. especially if these lovely thin ladies can’t find one.
I am so frustrated and annoyed that I just feel like ranting…. of course I don’t hate men for not being interested in me, they have the right to date and court who they want….. but I hate waiting, I’ve been waiting for a decade now. 😦 And online dating is useless too.
Unless your health is affected, there’s no reason to lose weight. God made us all different. Your size or weight is not an impediment
So what? Good looking men -no matter how devout- should be passed over as potential husbands?
This whole screed is filled with bad logic and inconsistencies.
How interesting that you focus on just having a husband, with no mention on him being a father material to the children you will bring.
Considering one of the primary functions of marriage is for procreation, it is clear to see that you are only concerned with your own needs. With no desire, interest or thought for motherhood and family.
The fact that you prioritise good looks over the ability and readiness to provide for the children you potentially bring into the world shows your shallowness, superficiality, gross irresponsibility for your potential kids, thirstiness, and pure selfishness i.e putting your carnal physical desires (eg for a pretty face) over the essential needs of your own children.
Basically, you are thinking only with your loins…….and not your head; prioritising your own emotionality and carnal desire over long-term practicality, longevity, and valuable contribution to society via the next generation you will raise…..or in your case, you have no desire to raise, seeing as no mention is given to family, fatherhood, and the husband’s primary vocation from God, which is to PROTECT and PROVIDE.
Now, tell me again about bad logic.
I am a Catholic theologian with five sons. We have been members of an FSSP parish for more than a decade. My oldest three are 18 through 22. The oldest three are already college *graduates*.
(And I am now not really anonymous).
The oldest has been earning a very good living for almost 4 years. He and his next two brothers have been focused on finding a spouse since 16 knowing it would take time.
From where we sit? The issue is young Traditional Catholic women are both scarce and more focused on college and a career. If I had $5 for everytime a trad mom, dad, or 18-22 year old told me a variation of,
“She MUST finish college before even *thinking* about it”
I could fully fund a seminary.
Other parents of Trad boys tell me the same.
It is indeed sad.
And I keep telling women that wish to have a family, marry first. Education can come later; children – not so much.
In addition, there are many options to work from home or study from home, while married.
Whilst I do say that men should marry from 35+ upwards, if a man in his 20s has a stable career/job and able to provide, like your sons seem to be, then he is obviously ready to be married.
Conversely, I understand why many women want to focus on career and education. They are terrified of being made financially destitute and this is why they desire economical independence and security, as too many men today are unable or unwilling to be the main income earners for their own families so the wives can be at home, raising the children.
How to reconcile this?
In my opinion, this women should marry and have a family. They can study from home or have a little small business from home as well.
PS: Trad Catholic women who are more focused on career over family are not truly traditional and should be given a wide berth berth. Your sons are doing a good job discerning this.
Thank you for sharing and God bless you for what you do and for raising such fine, eligible and honourable Catholic men.
We need more men like you in the Church and in this society.
Spot on, as usual. The happiest couples I know are ones in which the man is at least a decade older than the woman and they are both practicing Catholics.
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Absolutely for sure women should as a rule marry younger than men and not waste (and regret wasting) their fertile years on a career !
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Paige, you should check out the #husbandnotdad hashtag on twitter and Instagram. Most of the posts are lovely examples of young women living out the sort of godly femininity you are talking about!
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Thank you. I will.
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This makes sense. My relatives that came of age and got married in the 60s and before generally had a 5 to 7 year age gap between them.The general rule of thumb was that the man should be financial stable and be able to lead his home.Most of my female relatives were in their late teens and early 20s when they married.
Given the need for everyone to mature and lack of societal support for marriage in today’s world adding 5 to 10 years is needed.I have also met couple who were closer in age that have worked it out but they also had strong family/community support and were trained to be marriage minded from an early age.
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