It is both scary and jaw-dropping to see how many Catholics today are completely oblivious to their own faith.
This is exactly what happens when you allow yourself to become a lukewarm and mentally lazy Catholic, who barely reads the Bible, has incredibly poor discernment, is spiritually deficient due to no reading and allow yourself and your morals to be corrupted and manipulated by others.
Many Catholics today will wilfully sin by justifying, arguing, defending and explaining away toxic, dysfunctional, heretical and sinful behaviour in themselves and in others.
Another example is how some Catholics justify remaining in contact with toxic, dysfunctional or abusive people in their lives or families under the “Love everyone” fallacy.
I’m not entirely sure if they are simply ignorant or have been gaslighted so much by abusers who use this same line to justify their abuse that they fail to recognise what is Biblical and what is not.
Yes, the Bible does call us to love, but nowhere does it say we are to love others to the detriment of ourselves, our safety or sanity.
And when you remain involved with a person, family or not, who is toxic, dysfunctional or abusive, the result is always inevitable harm to you, your children and loved ones.
Some Catholics are so egotistical that they actually believe that their love will fix or save someone.
That blinding degree of grandiose thinking and Saviour complex is a mark of PRIDE – the Devil’s favourite sin.
You cannot love someone out of their dysfunction. Your love cannot and will not fix an addict or abuser.
Only God can do that.
Abusers and toxic people do not, I repeat DO NOT, respond to love, charity, or compassion.
However, they do respond to Boundaries and Consequences.
Yes, the Bible does call us to love, but nowhere does it say we are to love others to the detriment of ourselves, our safety or our sanity.
It is clearly stated in the Bible: THOU SHALT NOT TEMPT THE LORD, THY GOD.
Deliberately entering a lion’s den is foolish and is tempting the Lord, thy God.
Wilfully standing in the middle of a busy motorway is foolish and is tempting the Lord, thy God.
Choosing to have a sleepover alone with your boyfriend, under the guise of “love”, is foolish and is tempting the Lord, thy God.
Hitchhiking a ride from a known psychopath, serial killer or serial rapist is foolish and is tempting the Lord, thy God.
In short, deliberately putting yourself in harms’ way, including spending time with toxic, dysfunctional or abusive people is foolish and IS tempting the Lord, thy God.
Severing ties with toxic, abusive people or estrangement from a dysfunctional family is never an easy decision to make, but you have the right to do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe and sane.
Yes, you can still love them and pray for them, but from afar and from behind a closed door that you nail shut.
Another part of Scripture that pathological, toxic, abusive and dysfunctional people just love to throw out is “HONOUR THY FATHER AND MOTHER.”, used to gaslight their victims into remaining “loyal” to abusive, pathological parents.
Seriously?? Like, seriously??!!
You SERIOUSLY think honouring thy father and mother takes precedence over obeying God?!!
The first commandment “Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me.” clearly states that God takes precedence…..over everything…..over EVERYONE.
So if honouring your father and mother entails anything that violates God’s teaching on life and your personhood, who takes priority: God? Or your parents?
As a TCF reader said: “Loving others as you love yourself DOES actually mean not enabling others to abuse you.” and she is right.
Maintaining strong and healthy boundaries, and refusing to be abused is indeed a Work of Charity because it not only lets people know what is acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour, it also lets them know that you value yourself as the child of God that you are.
In addition, it teaches them to treat others as valuable creations of God.
You see, when you allow toxic or dysfunctional people to abuse you, disrespect you, invalidate you and trample over your boundaries, you teach them that they can do these things with no consequences and then they will not only go on and do the same to other innocent people, but they will increase the intensity of their abuse…..even up to and including murder.
Now, you have the blood of others on your hands because you chose to allow the perp to abuse you in the name of being loving and charitable.
Toxic and abusive parents use the line “Honour thy father and mother” to justify their abuse of you, but they very conveniently leave out the very next line that says “Parents, do not provoke thy children to anger.”
See what I mean?
We cannot be lukewarm Christians. A lukewarm person is spat out of God’s mouth – He said so Himself.
Being ignorant of Scripture and having poor discernment will leave you open to predators, abusers and toxic people who will twist Scripture against you to make you sin.
Satan did the same thing to Christ in the desert, but Christ was discerning and He knew Scripture to counteract Satan’s ploy to make Him sin against the Father.
Toxic, dysfunctional and pathological people do not change.
They only get worse with age and with time, and abuse always escalates over time.
They are a bottomless pit. The more you enable and give in to them, the more abusive and pathological they become. In essence, you are helping them to sin more.
The best thing you can do for them is to go No Contact, but continue to love and pray for them, from afar.
Boundaries exist for a reason and they are essential.
It is okay for you to do whatever you need to do to stay SAFE and SANE – physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally.
STRESS DOES KILL.
It raises the cortisol levels in the body, resulting in reduced immune function, increased inflammation and increased susceptibility to heart attacks, stroke, depression, fibromyalgia, PTSD and even cancer.
During the holidays, toxic and abusive people or exes tend to resurface – just like a Thriller video.
These pathological people make it their mission to drag people down into their den of dysfunction, and they will abuse, demean, and invalidate you over this period.
If it seems like they take some sadistic delight in ruining the holidays or special occasions, it is because you are right – they do!
However, you do not have to spend the holidays with toxic people, even if they are family.
No Contact is the best way and if for some reason, you are not able to go No Contact right now, then at least, maintain very strong boundaries.
God expects us to be harmless as doves, but wise as serpents.
So, be wise!
Be discerning, hold your boundaries and remove yourself from harmful or stressful situations.
Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us.
ad Jesum per Mariam