Narcissistic, toxic people cause a lot of damage to people and it has become an epidemic and scourge on society.
These dangerous, destructive and dysfunctional people not only destroy people’s lives, drive others to suicide, cause a host of mental and health issues, but by eroding away a person’s self-esteem, they cause self-perpetuating damage to that person, long after the narcissistic has left the person’s life.
As bleak and horrifying as it may seem, dealing with narcissistic people is VERY easy when you
- educate yourself on their oh-so-predictable patterns of behaviour
- have strong boundaries and self-value, and
- understand that you cannot ever change them or love them better, and the only way you can reduce their impact on your life, health and even your future progress is to completely disengage from them – physically and emotionally.
In this article,, I will address how narcissists enjoy tearing people down and erasing away their self-worth through put-downs and criticisms.
Tearing you down, which IS emotional abuse, makes you more malleable and susceptible for further emotional and even physical abuse, and it feeds their ego to have you running around like a headless chicken, in an attempt to please them and meet their ridiculous, never-ending stream of demands.
Spoiler alert – no matter how much you try to please or placate a narcissist, nothing will ever be good enough for them. They will simply find new things to criticise you about and constantly move the goalposts.
So, here is something you can do to set boundaries, preserve your self-worth and pretty much get the narcissist to leave you alone.
This tactic works wonderfully well whether the narcissist is a partner, friend or family member.
Narcissists are the biggest frauds and hypocrites you will ever come across.
They expect and demand perfection from you when they themselves are utterly flawed in many ways.
So, for example, let’s say you have started dating someone and you have this person visit you at your home. Now, they will not do this immediately…….they will wait a few weeks until they are sure that you really like them or are in love with them, and then they start the process of tearing you down.
This is a BIG RED FLAG of a narcissist, sociopath, and abusive person, by the way.
So this person visits you at your home, where you live alone cos you are a grown adult.
You have a job and are able to pay your own rent or mortgage, as well as your bills etc.
Your home may not be perfect or completely luxurious, but it is yours and you are living a functional, independent adult life.
Then this narcissistic sociopath you are dating suddenly starts to criticise your home
“Ugh. Your TV is so small” or “I don’t like your sofa or bed or home” and on and on.
Yet, this is the same person who STILL lives with their parent, doesn’t have a full-time job, and doesn’t have their own home. They are literally parasitizing off others while criticising you for what you have worked hard to achieve.
They want to make you feel small, unworthy, and inadequate.
So, this is what you should say sweetly “Okay. I hear you. So what are YOU going to do about it?”
This will throw them off initially, however, they will come back with more criticism or ridicule about your home, your possessions, your clothing etc
Again, you respond with something like “Well. I like my TV that size.” or “Well, I like MY sofa or bed or home the way it is…and that is all that matters to me”….in a sweet voice and even a smile on your face.
Okay, so now the narcissist realises that their tactic to tear you down isn’t working and they will often follow up AGAIN with more remarks to criticise, humiliate or ridicule you.
And here is what you should say in a slightly exasperated but sweet tone
“Well, hunni. If it really bothers you that much, then DO SOMETHING….ya know? Don’t like the sofa? Get me a new one. It doesn’t bother me, but it clearly bothers you, so you fix it. Otherwise, zip it!! Lol”
This scenario actually happened to someone I know and the person followed the above steps.
At this point, the narcissist knows that they now have two options: to either fix the offending issues themselves or shut up about it forever.
If they shut up about it forever, you’ve managed to get them off your back – on that particular subject, at least!
Now, the narcissist in the above scenario was actually threatening to discontinue the relationship cos they just didn’t like the modest items that the targeted victim had in their home.
This loser narcissist was parasitizing off their own parents, yet expected the targeted victim to have the same level of affluence that their own parents have accumulated over several decades of their lives??!
Do you see how stupid and ridiculous narcissists are?!!
The narcissist was basically saying “you have to be like my parents otherwise, you are not worthy of my love.”
Most narcissists are not very bright, however, and they will go ahead and replace the offending issues.
So the narcissist in the above scenario bought a new bed, new sofa, new carpet, new household goods and so on for the targeted victim – essentially upgrading the target’s home.
The targeted victim got new household goods for FREE and still had their self-value unaffected.
Side note – do not EVER put yourself out of pocket or get into debt to appease a narcissist.
If they have an issue with your home, car etc, let them fix the issues themselves, with their own money.
If they ask or hint that you pay for these items, once again you reiterate
“I actually like my TV/sofa/bed as it is and to be honest, that is all i can afford right now. I am unable to spend money on these items or replace them, but seeing that it bothers you so much, you buy them! Instead of constant unproductive complaining, do something about it. Fix it. Lol”….in the sweetest voice that you can muster.
This will NOT change the narcissist’s core personality as their entire personality is completely disordered, so even after they have replaced the ‘offending’ items, they’ll often find new things about you or your home to criticise and moan about.
Simply repeat the above steps and have them kit out your wardrobe or your home completely.
Also, bear in mind that the end of the relationship is in sight once they start to do this because they will simply continue to amp up their abuse. Abuse is wired within them.
In their attempts to destroy you psychologically, diminish you and erode away your self-worth, you remain unbothered, calm AND you even gain new items.
Oh!! They will NOT like this because what they really want is for you to be miserable, desperate, unhinged and destroyed – but it’s not happening cos you pass back the responsibility on to them and they HATE THAT! Remember, I told you that they are hypocrites.
Eventually, they will disappear and leave you alone for good or they will ramp up the abuse to the point where you have to either call the police on them or you cut them off completely.
If the abuse ever gets physical or threatening, get out of the relationship/friendship IMMEDIATELY and call the police!
Okay, but what about the items that they bought for your home or car? Do you give them back?
They are gifts and as such, they are your property now, so you keep them and enjoy!
If the narcissist tries to kick up a fuss about the items or demand them back, they can’t.
For example, the narcissist may say “Well, I want the bed or sofa that I bought you. I want them back!”
Your response? “Sure, honey! As soon as you find a way to get back my previous bed/sofa etc that I had to get rid off in order to make way for the new items, then I will gladly give them back to you”
If you don’t want to keep them, sell them and keep the money or donate the money, if you like.
And THIS is how you get the critical narcissist off your back.
Plus, by employing the above tactics, you not only gain property for yourself or your home, but the narcissist is less likely to try to psychologically destroy the next person(s) in their lives, so you are honestly doing society a huge favour.
You, a child of the Most High King, are NOT to allow anyone, and certainly not a narcissist, to devalue or diminish your self-value because when you do, you will sink into despair and depression, and end up making choices that are NOT aligned with God’s Will or plan for you.
The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and this is how narcissists steal, kill and destroy you – they are NOT on your side; they are your enemy and the enemy of God cos anyone who devalues another person made in the image of God Himself IS an enemy of God.
Wisdom and discernment are having strong boundaries, maintaining your self-value, and protecting yourself, emotionally or otherwise, from these dangerous, dysfunctional people.
Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us.
ad Jesum per Mariam