WHAT CAUSES THE NARCISSIST TO BE THE WAY THEY ARE?
WHAT MAKES A PERSON DEVELOP NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER?
HOW ARE NARCISSISTS CREATED?
A lot of online forums or Facebook groups are full of inaccurate and even harmful theories on this. A lot of them say it is due to the NPD person having an NPD parent; others, that it is due to childhood abuse, neglect, or trauma, or even being spoiled in childhood.
All of these can be contributing factors, but they are not the main reason why narcissists become narcissists.
Here is my input as someone in the psychological field and by the way, when I refer to narcissists, I am not referring to someone who just has a few narcissistic traits like being overly focused on their appearance. I am referring to those who have a whole bunch and cluster of SEVERAL narcissistic traits that it is now a personality disorder.
A narcissistic person loves themselves or is proud of themselves….perhaps, a little too much.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder loves themselves and their ego to the expense or even destruction of others.
Therein lies the difference.
Now, psychologists and neuroscientists (aka brain scientists) have been studying this disorder since the 1800s and they still have not been able to identify an exact cause, nor have they found any therapy or treatment that works for them.
From the 1800s up till now, there has been not one single case of a narcissist who has changed permanently for the better. Not. One
So here are the known facts on what creates a person with narcissistic personality disorder.
When it comes to developmental psychology ie how a person’s development affects their psychological makeup, there are two main influences on the development:
- NATURE (aka genetic predisposition) and
- NURTURE (the environment in which they were raised)
When we consider the nature element – it is true that there is a genetic component to NPD. A parent with the disorder is likely to have a child with the disorder. However, within a family with multiple children, this does not explain why only some of the children become disordered and the others do not.
Okay, then let us consider the nurture element – if the child is raised in a home (between ages 0 – 18 years old) where at least one parent has the disorder, this increases the likelihood of the child developing NPD. However, again, this does not explain why only some children in the family will become narcissists and others won’t.
So, we now come to a 3rd previously unknown factor – the person’s innate personality.
We are not simply a combination of our parents’ genes and family upbringing; we also have our own unique personalities that can be observed from birth.
Even triplets who are identical, sharing the same amount of genes and growing up in the same environment, will have their own separate and unique personalities.
Thus, innate personality is the main factor that determines if a person will become a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath – these are all different stages of narcissism.
Put simply, some personalities are simply born naturally wicked.
The only exception to this rule is mild BPD (borderline personality disorder).
This one is due to childhood trauma.
Everything else on the cluster B spectrum (narcissism, antisocial personality disorder, sociopathy, psychopathy etc) is not.
Nature and nurture may simply be catalysts that can activate something that was always lurking beneath the personality.
But not everyone with adverse genes or childhood upbringing will become narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths.
This is why not everyone with traumatic childhoods or abusive parents becomes abusive themselves – their personality is simply not innately abusive.
And, conversely, this is also why narcs cannot and will never change.
Our personalities (whether good or bad) are an ingrained part of ourselves. They remain consistent throughout our lives and ossify over time ie we become more of who we are as we get older.
Kind empathic people become more so over time, and evil abusive people become more so over time.
No amount of therapy or medication will turn a book-loving introvert into a party-going extrovert.
Likewise, no amount of therapy or medication will turn a porcupine into a kitten or a narcissistic person into someone who is not disordered.
The only thing that would change a person’s personality permanently is a lobotomy and if the narcissist is willing to go through that, then they are welcome to be my guest.
But even so, there is still no guarantee they will be better; they may actually get worse.
So instead of focusing on these people who cannot and do want to change, you should focus on surviving, healing, focusing on your own self-preservation and getting away from them PERMANENTLY.
You can view all my articles on narcissists and narcissistic personality disorder HERE
Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us