Although it can be hard to believe, with the current saturation of toxic, abusive predators or sociopaths within today’s society, I promise you that virtuous, traditional Catholic men who will love, protect, cherish and provide for their wives and families DO EXIST!
Just like a virtuous woman is hard to find, a virtuous man can also be a rarity today, and the thought that your beloved daughter or son will grow up and get involved with one of the many, many toxic, sociopathic, predator or abusive individuals out there can be enough to turn any parent’s hair prematurely grey!
As parents, we are entrusted with the primary and important role of bringing up, providing for and protecting our children – especially the protecting part!
While the church or family circle can be a safe, nurturing haven for our children when they are young, once they grow up and fly the nest, either off to college/university or to launch their careers, they are in essence out of our hands and we cannot control the sort of people they choose to be attracted to, to be friends with or to have as future spouses.
One of the main things is to educate them on the Red Flags of abusive, predatory, sociopathic and psychopathic people , but there are much more important steps you should take to protect your children, ESPECIALLY while they are still young.
Here are my top tips to prevent your child, son or daughter, from getting involved with a sociopath, abuser, predator or toxic individual. These tips can be utilised, whether your child is 2 or 20.
PRAY FOR THEM
I am sure that you pray daily for the well-being and protection of your child, but I also highly recommend that you:
- Pray to the Blessed Virgin to keep your children safe and wrap them in her arms when you can’t
- Pray that God will provide virtuous spouses for your children that will love and cherish them, make their marriages a heaven on earth and help them get to Heaven.
- Pray, more importantly, for their vocations as you never know what plans and path that God has in store for them.
KEEP AN EYE OUT
Your children have been given to you by God; their well-being is entrusted to your care, so you are responsible both for their upbringing and for keeping them safe!
Realise that when it comes to your children in the care and company of other individuals, trust is earned.
Pedophiles and predators are EVERYWHERE, even within the extended family and the church.
Do not be so quick to trust anyone simply because they claim to be Catholic or because they are a family member.
Over 85% of children that were abused were abused by somebody that they know, so be on alert and keep communication lines open between you and your child so that they are comfortable enough with you to confide in you if someone in a position of trust or authority is being inappropriate towards them.
While it may seem cool and hip to be your child’s ‘friend’, you are NOT their friend and being overly permissive is both irresponsible and dangerous.
The key is to parent them in a manner that they are comfortable enough to approach you when dealing with awkward issues, but also respectful enough to recognise that you are the parent and that your advice or discipline is to be respected and adhered to.
RAISE YOUR CHILDREN IN THE FAITH
Teach your children to have a strong devotion to Our Lady, encourage them to frequent the sacraments and to participate in activities and events of the faith.
It is not enough to just feed, educate, clothe and put a secure roof over their heads, you also need to feed their souls, their spirit and nurture their spiritual lives every bit as much as you nurture their physical lives.
DETOX THEIR ENVIRONMENT
You will not feed your children toxic, poisonous food, so why allow them to keep company with other children or families who are toxic, ungodly or unwholesome?
Gently steer them away from individuals or other children who are a toxic influence and guide them towards wholesome, holy families.
We are a product of our genes, our nurturing and also our environment. If you raise a child within an environment where all they see are unhealthy behaviour patterns, they will most likely grow to mirror and accept unhealthy, toxic behaviour from others.
We become like the 5 people we spend most time with, so choose carefully!
BE AN EXAMPLE
Although, I left this till last so that I can expound properly on this issue, this is actually the second most important tip.
Children are highly impressionable, especially in the earlier years where their personalities are still being moulded into shape.
Children live by example…..YOUR example!
As a mother, you should model to your daughter what a virtuous, wholesome, feminine, traditional woman is and this will include not enabling toxic or abusive behaviour from anyone, even her father. When she grows up, she will be dignified young woman with a healthy amount of self-esteem, but still tender, nurturing, virtuous, respectful and feminine.
As a father, you should model to your son what a virtuous, masculine, traditional man is so that when he grows up, he would respect women, value honour, tradition, hard work as well as the ability to protect and provide for his own family.
Research has shown that over 70% of children who grow up within toxic family environments where abuse, and toxic, inappropriate behaviour is commonplace grow up to be either abusers themselves or victims of abuse.
A girl who sees her father display toxic traits of abuse, infidelity, addictions etc towards her mother has a much higher risk of marrying a guy with unhealthy patterns, who is unfaithful and abusive towards her……and vice versa for a little boy.
For those in abusive marriages or with toxic, abusive partners, you truly have my deepest condolences. It can be very hard to deal with and much more harder to know that your children will grow up to repeat the same abusive circle.
In my opinion, raising children within a toxic, abusive marriage does FAR MORE DAMAGE to them than divorce. Now, I am not advocating divorce, but I highly suggest praying even more so for your marriage and speaking to a traditional priest (FSSP) for advice and counselling on your marriage.
Meanwhile, surround your children with very healthy role models – be a role model yourself and befriend lots of other families that are holy, healthy and wholesome, and encourage your child to spend as much time as possible with these families and their children.
This does not abdicate you from your duty to fix your marriage, but protecting the overall physical, emotional and psychological well-being of the children God entrusted into your care is VERY IMPORTANT!
He gave you these souls to nourish, protect and raise and you will report to Him on this responsibility
ad Jesum per Mariam