A few days ago I received the below message in my inbox from a subscriber.
This is a very good question, dear reader, and no, you are not bothering me at all.
In order to extract ourselves from modern society’s lies and opinions of what a woman should be, we need to go back to the beginning, which, according to The Sound of Music, is a very good place to start. Ha!
God’s plan for women began when He created Adam and Eve.
He created Eve from Adam’s side, not from his head to rule over him or from his feet to be subservient to him. As Eve was made from Adam’s side, this means she was created to be equal to him.
However, Eve is also different because she was not created at the same time as Adam nor was she created from dust.
So right there, you can see that God made man and woman to be both equal, yet complementary to each other – kinda like ying and yang.
Now, because Adam being the first-born was created first, it is only appropriate that Eve deferred to him i.e submitted to him.
But that does not make Eve inferior in any way. In fact, Eve was a prize for Adam because Genesis 2:18 tells us that she was created for him and then presented to him. Women created as the prize for men is again echoed in the New Testament in 1st Corinthians 11: 7, where it states that the woman is the glory of the man.
The above Genesis Bible passage also tells us that God made a helper fit for Adam.
What Adam lacked, Eve was to help him accomplish; man and woman were created to complement each other.
Man was created by God to initiate, to protect and to provide; woman was created to be receptive, to be relational and to nurture.
Unfortunately, thanks to the rise of feminism, modern society has perverted God’s original plan by making women go against God’s natural order, resulting in women now emulating, pursuing and dominating men.
Today’s women abhor femininity. They turn it into a caricature of silliness and want nothing to do with it. Not only do they want to act like men, behave like men and work like men, some of them even want to dress and look like men. Feminism at its heart, as Fr. Chad Ripperger says, is a form of self-hatred.
Feminism and modern society have perpetuated the lie that we live in a patriachal world and in order for us women to be relevant, we have to be like men and nothing is further from the truth than this.
Yes, we do live in a patriarchal world as God’s plan intended, because man was created first. However, we do not have to be like men in order to be significant.
By yielding to becoming who God made us to be, embracing true femininity and submitting to Biblical womanhood, we can become significant and relevant in a man’s world.
We lose our uniqueness as women when we begin to chase after masculine attributes.
One of the main problems that a lot of women have with embracing Biblical femininity is Ephesians 5: 22, 25 where women are commanded to submit to their husbands.
A lot of women view this as being subservient and there may also be a deep, subconscious fear that by allowing themselves to be submissive and vulnerable, they become easy targets for victimization, abuse or simply being taken advantage of.
Just as true femininity is a lost virtue in this modern world, so too true masculinity is hard to find. Masculinity today has been perverted and some men have become abusive and controlling, thinking that their behaviour equates to being masculine.
Perhaps also, these men are the way that they are as a reaction to modern women becoming increasingly masculine.
In any case, Biblical submission is a gift that we women give to Biblical husbands only.
A man who is embracing his God-given masculinity will take control, but not be controlling. He would lead and guide, but not be forceful or abusive. He will not abuse his power and position of leadership because he knows that he is answerable to God. Simply put, a man who refuses to be under God’s leadership will have no clue on how to lead you properly and lovingly.
So this means then that in order to have a Biblical marriage, you should be with a Biblical man, who will cherish and love you just as Christ loves His Church – and love is never ever controlling or abusive.
This and this can help you in identifying godly men and weeding out the ungodly ones.
Being a woman and embracing your God-given femininity is truly a beautiful thing.
St. Luke of Simferopol says:
Take pride in the title of “woman,” take pride in the fact that you were born not a man, but a woman, for the Lord has given you a heart much better than that of men, a heart receptive to all that is holy, a heart soft as wax, feeling the truth of Christ.
You live not by a cold mind, as do men, but you live by the sense of the heart, for the human heart, together with the mind, is an organ of perception. And the perception of the heart is higher than that of the mind.
“Okay, Paige, you have convinced me. How do I embrace my God-given femininity?”, I hear you ask.
In order to embrace our femininity, we need to go back to God’s template for true femininity.
I have already covered the basics in the creation story above, however, the Bible also contains lots of excellent advice and role models for Biblical femininity.
Here is how to embrace your God-given femininity, whether you are single, courting or married.
STUDY BIBLICAL ROLE MODELS
These include virtuous women such as Esther, Rachel, Ruth, Sarah and of course, the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Read about their lives, how they responded to God, how they interacted with their communities and families. Single or married, these women provide wonderful role models for God-given femininity.
STUDY BIBLICAL DESCRIPTIONS OF TRUE FEMININITY
From the Proverbs 31 woman to the Titus 2 : 3-5 woman, we can learn about attributes and characteristics of Biblical womanhood and authentic femininity.
Read these Bible passages, study them, meditate upon them, pray over them and then apply the principles to your own life.
EMBRACE YOUR NATURAL NURTURING SIDE
Women are born nurturers. We are created to nurture life, from our womb which nurtures a fetus to our breasts which feed and nurtures a newborn.
Infertility or singlehood does not make us any less feminine. Whether or not we are married or have biological children, we are all called to motherhood. We can nurture people in our lives through docility, tenderness, affection, and love in a way that a man never can.
EMBRACE YOUR VULNERABILITY
This does not mean that we are to be pathetic, whining brats.
As women, we are naturally softer, more sensitive, and more delicate than men, which makes us more vulnerable and this is okay. Do not fight it.
There IS beauty in delicacy, tenderness, and vulnerability. A truly feminine woman who is not afraid of her vulnerability will attract truly masculine men who instinctively desire to protect, cherish and love her. Femininity and vulnerability really do bring out the chivalrous nature in men.
EMBRACE YOUR NATURAL DESIRE TO BE BEAUTIFUL
I have heard some married Catholic women state that they do not need to dress attractively or wear makeup because they are now married and their husbands already know what they look like.
Dear sisters, your femininity does not disappear after you get married. Beauty is a good thing. Moderation and modesty are key to Biblical attractiveness, both before and after marriage – see 1 Timothy 2 : 9-10.
In Songs of Solomon, the lover repeatedly tells his bride how beautiful she is.
Biblical women such as Esther, Rachel, and Sarah were all described as beautiful. It is a natural God-given desire for us women to be concerned about our appearance and to have a desire to look attractive. The Proverbs 31 woman in verse 17 & 22 took care of her looks and dressed nicely, and she was a married woman.
Maintain a healthy weight, wear a moderate amount of makeup, grow out your hair and take care of it. God made you to be feminine and attractive, and by purposefully detaching from your femininity or neglecting your outward appearance, you are dishonouring God. A woman should look like a woman.
EMBRACE RECEPTIVITY & SUBMISSIVENESS
Be receptive, responsive and submissive to the male headship that God has placed over you, beginning with your fathers.
Laying down the foundation for being a godly, submissive wife to your future husband begins BEFORE you get married, while you are still single, even while you are still in your teen years, by being submissive and receptive towards your father.
Being receptive and submissive also does not mean that you should submit to all men. You definitely should not submit to godless men who have no eligibility or authority to lead others.
The command to submit is appropriate only within certain Biblical contexts such as towards your husband in marriage, towards the Church headship and so on.
DON’T BE AFRAID OR ASHAMED TO YIELD TO HIM
This one is for the women who are courting or married.
Even today, I hear some Catholic women mention how uncomfortable they get when their boyfriends or spouses do little chilvarous things like giving them money, unprompted.
Why is that a problem?? It is perfectly natural for a man to want to protect and provide for his woman; he is simply acting out his natural God-given masculinity. Let him be a man!
Allow him to pursue and woo you. Don’t chase after him or initiate the chase. Look to him to lead and initiate. You have the honour of nurturing and caring for him, so it is okay to let him lead and protect you.
Allow him to provide for you materially and financially, while you keep him fed, keep his home clean and warm with love.
Allow him to make the decisions. Although this may seem difficult at first, trusting his decisions and choices would take a lot of the burden of life off your shoulders.
Allow him to protect you. You are built more delicately than he is; you are meant to be defended. Even little acts such as opening doors for you, helping you with your coat, walking on the outside of the sidewalk – this is all his protective nature expressing itself.
Do not feel uncomfortable about it, shut him down or feel ashamed that he might consider you as being weak. That is not true.
When he does these things, allow him – it shows that he instinctively sees you as delicate, and worth protecting and cherishing. It fuels his own masculinity. When we deprive men of their real nature and shut them down from expressing their natural masculinity, we emasculate them and, losing a sense of purpose and direction, they turn effeminate.
As daughters of God, we need to embrace ALL facets of our feminine nature and honour Him in our essence. We should follow God’s beautiful plan for Biblical womanhood, and not what modern society, feminism, modern culture or the media tells us.
When in doubt, look to Our Lady as your ultimate role model and template for Biblical femininity and ask yourself: what would Mary do?
Don’t want to go it alone? Prefer a guided, more personalised focus of how you can live out your femininity and use it enrich one or more aspect of your life that you may be feeling unfulfilled in? Then you might be interested in my ONE-TO-ONE COACHING SESSIONS.
Also, I realise that it may be a little difficult to undo decades of modern-day programming, so here are some resources to help you further in embracing your God-given femininity and reclaiming Biblical womanhood.
ad Jesum per Mariam