I know that a post on homemaking and money management has been long overdue on this blog.

So now is as good a time as any for me to write this post, which was inspired by a discussion held in the TCF Facebook group earlier this week.

Should a husband be giving his wife an allowance?

My short answer is YES! Yes, the husband should be giving his wife an allowance.

In a traditional and Biblical marriage, the husband has headship over his wife and his family.

This is the natural order of things, as established by God.

The main directive given by God to man in marriage is to protect and provide for his spouse and family. This then means that the man should be the main breadwinner, the one providing the sole income or at least, the larger proportion of the family’s total income.

Studies done by scientists and psychologists have shown that in marriage, it is better for the man to be the main breadwinner in order to ensure harmonious domestic relations, the longevity of the marriage, and the long-term happiness of the couple.

If the wife is the sole breadwinner or earns much more than her husband does, there is a greater-than-average chance that this would make him feel emasculated and resentful towards her, and she would feel resentful and unable to respect him. These perfectly natural reactions are indicators that the natural order of things, as God ordained, is being disrupted and reversed.

Men who feel emasculated due to their spouse having a higher income are also more likely to distance themselves from their wives and many of them resort to porn or adultery in order to regain some sense of self-worth. They also tend to have affairs so they can feel manly again, and often, they will resort to coercive, controlling or downright abusive behaviours to regain a sense of control over their wives.

In fact, two main predictors or factors for divorce include when the woman is the sole breadwinner or has the higher income in a marriage and also when the woman is a co-earner ie she is not a housewife, being provided for by her husband.
Harmony, longevity, and cooperation are restored in homes and marriages where the natural order is followed and traditional gender roles are modeled.

This is why I do not recommend that a man courts and marries a woman who is of a higher status than him. See more HERE.

Given the above observations, it makes complete sense that the husband, being the main breadwinner, provides the wife with an allowance. If the wife is a SAHM or housewife, then he should definitely be giving her an allowance.

This allowance is not the same as the family budget where he gives her money to meet the family’s financial obligations of paying the bills, buying groceries, and the like. Those are two very separate things. The allowance given to her should be an amount separate from the family budget. The allowance is for her own personal spending use…….especially if she is a SAHM or housewife with no income. She should not be left with no access to money.

The running and management of the home CAN indeed be likened to running a small company. Under God’s structure for the family, God has headship over the husband. The husband has headship over his wife and children, and the wife has headship over the children. There is clearly a structure and chain of command in effect and for marriages to thrive and flourish, they should follow this structure that has been put into place by God.

Using the small company analogy, the husband can be viewed as the President of his family and his wife, as the Vice-President. Through going to work and providing her with a budget, he is able to entrust the day-to-day running of the home and family to her hands, giving him more time to focus his mental and physical energies on work and career. This is an ideal partnership.

The allowance that the husband gives his wife is like her own income or a token of appreciation, for running and managing his little empire i.e. the family.

Giving the wife an allowance is also an expression of love that reinforces the traditional structure of a marriage. This allowance can be given on a weekly, fortnightly or monthly basis. The frequency and amount of the allowance would depend on the couple’s overall financial position and as such, should be agreed upon by both parties.

Rather than calculating it as a fixed amount, allocate a percentage of the man’s net income (after taxes) for this allowance, after essentials like household bills, joint savings, and pensions have been considered.

Regardless of the income level of the husband, this practice of a husband giving his wife an allowance can and should be done, when you follow the percentage. The percentage will be up to you both to decide, but should not be less than 30-35% and as the man’s income rises or falls through the years, the allowance will also rise and fall, making it fair on both parties.

Sure, in this day and age, some people may see this as an outdated practice, but I believe that it is a beautiful, loving gesture that can positively highlight the traditional gender roles in marriage. This loving act of leadership, provision, protection and dominance also makes the wife much more likely to willingly and joyfully submit to her husband and it can also help develop a deeper bond between the couple and have a strengthening effect on the family and marital ties.

Like with most virtues, abusive, manipulative, and controlling men can weaponise the finances and so it is vital for you to recognise what are healthy financial practices in your marriage.

As a side note – until you have married him, he has no business whatsoever controlling your money, having access to your money, or demanding that you give him your earnings or put your wages/salary into a joint account.
That is financial abuse and he is NOT your husband! If you are allowing him to do this to you, you have played yourself and I suggest that you end that relationship and get out – financial control is one of the precursors to abuse and it is a mark of a dangerous, abusive person.
Fiances and boyfriends do not get husband privileges. Period!
In actual fact, rather than demanding access to your money or finances, he should be the one giving you money, a little pocket money or spend money, even while dating.

A lot of abusive men gaslight their wives that they are in a trad marriage where they give her no allowance or spend money, do not pay into her pension or savings, do not allow her access to the budgets or accounts and do not even her name on the rent or lease agreement of the home or other important assets.

If this is happening to you, my dear sister in Christ, you are being abused…..this is not a trad marriage. This story shared by a TCF shows how this happens.

In many traditional marriages, historically, biblically and in many cultures even today, the man brings home his income to his wife. It is her who controls the family money and allocates it to all the necessary outputs: bills, groceries, their savings, pensions and so on. They both have access, but it is the wife who distributes the income that he brings home to her. That is part of her job as a housewife. Even in Japan and many parts of Asia, men give all their salary to their wives cos it is known that women are better at budgeting and judicious spending.

My husband and I have a similar system. All his income gets paid into a joint account that we both have access to, but I am the one that allocates amounts to various bills and expenses, ensures our pensions and individual savings and joint savings get filled and so on. I also allocate how much he gets for his car fuel and work lunch. If we needed money for a sudden expense or treat, we can individually just take what we need from the account without necessarily consulting the other unless it is a major expense.

This is what a trad marriage looks like – complete utter trust in each other and the two truly being one, even in the finances. If you have a controlling, misogynistic or abusive partner, you can not do this with them cos they will sabotage, cheat, steal and defraud you at every turn. So, the key is being patient enough to choose a good partner who has virtue and good morals.

If both of you are married and working full-time, he does not need to provide you with an allowance at all. And unless you are both earning exactly the same amount, it is unjust for you to contribute equally to the family finances. Work out a fair percentage that each person should contribute – the higher income person obviously contributing a higher amount – and then deposit this amount into a joint bank account, while retaining individual bank accounts that you both have access to.

If you are working part-time or earn significantly less (more than 70%) than your husband’s income, then yes, he should give you an allowance. Also, work out a fair percentage for joint family expenses as described above, deposit into a joint account, and retain individual bank accounts.

If you are a stay-at-home mom or housewife, then he definitely should be giving you an allowance. Once again, have joint accounts for family expenses, but also retain individual bank accounts.

As you can see, in all the scenarios above, I mention that you both are to have joint bank accounts (mainly for family bills and expenses), as well as individual accounts, wherein you both have to each other’s accounts. Having your own individual bank accounts is for your protection in case something happens to either of you and having access to each other’s individual accounts (ie knowing the password, login details and so on) provides marital transparency between you.

Furthermore, a spousal allowance from the husband is NOT pocket money. Pocket money is an arbitrary amount that we give to, say, our children. It is usually quite minimal, undetermined, and may not be consistent. An allowance is a defined amount or better yet, percentage of the man’s net income given to the wife on a regular basis – monthly if the man is paid monthly, weekly if he is paid weekly and so on.
The husband may decide to give his wife pocket money on top of the allowance that he provides her.
For example, my husband may out of the blue hand me a wad of cash and say “Here, amore. This is a little pocket money. Get yourself something nice and pretty”
Or if he has a work bonus or monetary gift of some sort, he might give me a little fun money, ie pocket money.

Also, see FINANCES, TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE AND THE STAY AT HOME WIFE

For the men out there who complain about the feminist, stubborn, and aggressive mindset of today’s women, why not stand up, and assert your leadership and dominance in little ways like providing your wife with an allowance; you will be surprised at how much respect your wife would have for you. A wife is more likely to submit to a husband she respects and she would never respect a man who is not able to lead financially by being the main breadwinner of the home.

It’s really so simple, guys. You want respect and submissiveness? Lead!!

Now, what say you, ladies?

Do you receive an allowance from your husband? Does he give you a separate allowance or does he combine it with the family budget?

Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us