A man’s, or woman’s, environment is truly a reflection of their inner world and mental state.
It is really so simple: A disordered outer world is a sign of a disordered inner world and the last thing you want is to get involved with a disordered person, as they would bring nothing but pain, disorder, chaos, destruction and even death into your life.
However, many disordered people are so sneaky and covert that they have learnt how to fly under the radar, and present a desirable appearance to lure a potential victim in.
This is why this article is very important.
A person’s relationship with himself signals how he will be in relationship to you and others through:
- Hygiene & Appearance
- Health & Fitness
- Values & Standards
- Character & Boundaries
- Career stability & Long-term Goals
If he is lax, slacking or lazy in any of these areas, he would be the same towards you.
A man who doesn’t respect or value himself will never respect or value you.
Is his home tidy and hygienic?
A chronically messy man will be a burden on you. You will find yourself perpetually cleaning after him and he would never appreciate any cleaning that you do.
You want a man who desires a wife, NOT a 24/7 cleaner.
Poor self-care is a man who doesn’t truly care for himself or for others.
Does he take care of his health and fitness?
If he is neglectful of his health, he would never know how to care for you when you are ill.
Any ailments that you have would be ignored or minimised, and he might even ridicule or argue with you for taking care of your health.
Either way, your health, well-being and life can be endangered with a man like this, as ailments would either be minimised or ignored until it is too late.
Does he have values and standards for how he expects to be treated by other people?
If he is weak or allows himself to be treated any which way by anyone, do not expect him to ever defend, protect or stand up for you. You will find yourself having to pick up the slack every time and defend yourself and your relationship from the constant onslaught or attacks from his friends, family or acquaintances.
This is not only disrespectful, but it is also exhausting and leaves you and any children you might have in a very vulnerable and possibly position.
Some men who are like this also tend to be covert abusers in the home. When he is unable to stand up for himself outside of the home or in the workplace, all the pent-up rage and frustration gets taken out on the wife when he gets home.
Does he have solid character and good boundaries?
A man lacking in these is a man with little to no willpower or self-control.
He would be easily led astray by strange women, unsavoury friends, and other bad habits, including drugs and alcohol, dragging you and the family through hell in the process.
If his close friends or exes are people of questionable morals and bad character, chances are that he is a man of questionable morals and bad character, regardless of what facade or mask he might be wearing to lure you in.
How is his faith?
Obviously, you want to date a man who takes the Catholic faith seriously.
If he does not know and love God, he would have no concept of real masculinity and manhood, and the knock-on effect of this is that he would never appreciate your own femininity or womanhood.
It would be like casting pearls before swine.
The swine does not understand the value of the pearls; the beauty and value of the pearls do not inspire the swine to be more virtuous or valuable; the swine would treat the pearls any which way and end up damaging the pearls. The same is what would happen to you, should you allow yourself to get involved with a man like this.
It is a MYTH that a good, feminine or godly woman can change a bad boy.
In reality, the bad boys leave the good woman, broken, undateable and so damaged that no decent guy would want her.
Save yourself the heartache and kill your Saviour-complex. It is a mark of pride and arrogance to think that you or your love can save, change or inspire anyone.
Your love and kindness will never change a bad boy. It will only damage you further.
I would hope that you value and respect yourself enough to understand that you deserve to be with a virtuous and honourable man, instead of settling for a damaged and problematic man.
How are his finances? With the exception of necessary debt such as mortgages or student loans, how much debt does he have?
Does he have a pension fund AND savings? You’ll be surprised at how many adult men over the age of 28 do not have these.
Lack of a pension fund and personal savings shows a staggering lack of foresight and immaturity.
This man is emotionally stunted and irresponsible, and not fit to get married.
Learning to plan for one’s own financial future is a basic life skill for adults and dating to get married, when you are not financially stable is putting the cart before the horse.
Do not ever get involved with any guy who displays such disregard for his own future as he is definitely not seeing a future with you or any woman.
This man will drag you through financial hell. Avoid. Avoid.
Remember – he does not need to have a ginormous amount stashed away in savings on pensions, depending on his age of course. The most important thing is that he DOES have one and he is regularly putting money away, no matter how little, into the fund. Consistency and responsibility is the key, NOT quantity.
Career stability and long-term goals
If he has no long-term goals or career stability, he is not ready to get married.
He should have solid plans for his career. Winging it is a mark of immaturity. Date a man, ladies; don’t date a boy.
He should be in a fairly stable and consistent job. It is less about how much he actually makes and more about the fact that he is gainfully employed.
Again, consistency, a solid routine and responsibility is the key, NOT quantity.
Conversely, as a woman, you should also be working on yourself, with regards to the above.
By doing so, you will not only attract and keep a high-value man, but you would be less willing to entertain or settle for a guy who is a mess in the above areas.
- Take care of your health, appearance, skincare, haircare, fitness and grooming. Work on yourself, both on the outside and the inside.
- Ensure your home is tidy, clean and clutter-free, and also acquire some sound feminine skills. These are what would make you attractive to a high-value and virtuous man – not slutty outfits or silly party tricks!
- Have good values and standards for yourself, and for how you will tolerate being treated by others, whether it is a guy you are dating, a friend, acquaintance or family member. This will also include detaching from toxic or problematic people in your life and family. Read THIS, THIS and THIS.
- Develop sound boundaries and be picky about the type of people that you allow into your inner circle.
- Take the faith seriously and develop a close relationship with our Lady and with your guardian angel. Whether you are single, in a relationship or in religious life, strive to be a modern-day Proverbs 31 woman. After our Lady, the Proverbs 31 woman is a great example of a high-value woman, in touch with her femininity and womanhood,
- Take care of your finances. Even if you are still a student that has not yet entered the workforce, still try to save some money every month, no matter how little. It really does add up and once you enter the workforce or start working, get yourself a pension fund, even if all you can afford to pay into it each month is the minimum amount. Learning to budget, save and plan for your future is a mark of financial responsibility.
- Have longterm goals for yourself. Discern your vocation and whether it is to get married or to enter religious life, start working towards those goals.
St Joseph, model of manhood, guide us.
Our Lady, model of womanhood, pray for us.
ad Jesum per Mariam