It is jaw-dropping how so many Catholics have completely lost the spirit of discernment that they have allowed themselves to be seduced by the Devil’s lies that enabling and tolerating evil is somehow synonymous with forgiveness, tolerance and being a good Catholic.
You CAN forgive someone for the pain, hurt, distress or harm that they caused you and at the same time, take yourself out of harm’s way.
Christian forgiveness does not entail any of the following:
- Enabling a dangerous, destructive or toxic person in their behaviour
- Continuing to put yourself in harm’s way.
- Relieving the person of their responsibility for what they did.
- Forgetting or dismissing the harm or hurt that was done to you
The Devil has seduced so many Christians into believing that by allowing poison or toxic into our lives, our churches, our homes and around our children, that we are somehow being tolerant and not judgemental.
People are so desperate to be seen as “nice” that they completely endanger themselves and their children, enable sin and disobey God, severely tempting the Lord our God.
You do not convert the world by being similar to the world, but by being so different from it that it draws people to Christ.
Dangerous, destructive and toxic people of all kinds do not respond to tolerance, kindness or enabling their behaviour. In fact, doing so makes them even more abusive, dangerous and harmful towards you.
What they do respond to are BOUNDARIES and CONSEQUENCES.
This picture of Pope Saint John Paul II is a perfect illustration of this.
St JP II forgave the man that attempted to take his life, but he still let the man face the consequences of his actions ie JAIL!
St. JP II forgave the man that attempted to take his life, but he did not put himself in harm’s way by maintaining contact with a man that has already proven to be toxic, dangerous and destructive to him.
In fact, when St. JP II visited his would-be murderer in jail, he did so with the criminal under lock and key (ie JAIL) and with ST. JP II himself under the protection of the authorities.
Maintaining contact with anyone who is toxic, dangerous or destructive to you or your family is not showing them compassion. It is displaying IDIOT COMPASSION.
The Bible tells us to be discerning, NOT foolish.
Can you imagine a world where all sorts of crimes are permitted and tolerated, from murder to child rape and so on, under the terms of tolerance and forgiveness?
That’s stupid! That is anarchy.
God is the embodiment of Mercy, but also the embodiment of Order and Justice, and as His children, it is our duty to reflect these traits here on earth and in our own lives.
Just like our Heavenly Father, we should be merciful ie Forgive wrongdoers, but we should also implement Order (ie Boundaries) and Justice (Consequences)
So, let that abuser, toxic, dangerous or destructive person face the full consequences of their actions.
- Break up immediately with that boyfriend or girlfriend who has acted towards in a toxic, disrespectful, abusive or destructive manner.
- Keep the local paedophile or depraved degenerate FAR AWAY from your children.
- Let your alcoholic spouse or adult child lose their license instead of covering up for them
- Let that person who committed a crime face the consequences of the law.
- Stop having sex with that partner who is violent and abusive, or rampantly and blatantly unfaithful in order to protect both your life and your physical health. Move out!
- Distance yourself or go No Contact from that person who is toxic, dangerous or destructive.
LET PEOPLE FACE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS!
Allowing these people to hit rock bottom could be the final straw needed for them to come to repentance and to turn their lives around.
Forgive them as well, by all means, but from a place of safety and sanity, from behind solid boundaries.
Forgiving them does not mean you continue to enable or tolerate their behaviour or let them remain in your life either.
Forgiveness entails the following:
- Letting them face the consequences of their actions -JUSTICE
- Drawing strong boundaries – ORDER
- Distancing yourself from them – ORDER
- Forgive them – MERCY
- And praying from them, but only from a place of safety and sanity; from behind a closed door that you nail shut!
God calls us to be wise. May our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, intercede for us!.
MORE RESOURCES
THAT IS NOT VERY FEMININE OF YOU
ad Jesum per Mariam
🌹🙏🌹
Traditional Catholic Femininity 🌹🙏🌹 
I wish I had seen this article 6 years ago when I was near a nervous breakdown after dealing with my ex husband’s unrelenting verbally and emotionally abusive behavior. I subjected my kids to this and we were all affected. We are all ok now but I struggled with the decision to leave him, wondering if it was what God wanted. Eventually I figured out that it was ok for me to leave. To this day he doesn’t accept that he was abusive. I have no more contact with him but I do pray for him every day. I actually read the Patricia Evans books that is listed in the resources section. That helped me quite a bit, as well as going to a therapist through Catholic Charities who just happened to be a Deacon at his Church. Now I am remaining single and dedicating my life to God.
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Excellent article. I forgave an ex girlfriend (and I wish her well) but I did not carry on our relationship. It didn’t mean that I excused bad behaviors but it was for the best for both of us that I didn’t act ugly. I moved on. I gave my time to someone else that had appropriate actions.
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