One thing that tends to irk me a lot is when I see in popular culture, which is already messed up and toxic, people demanding unconditional love or gaslighting other people into giving unconditional love to inappropriate people.
Unconditional love is NOT for everyone.
We can still love people as the Bible commands us, but we do not love unconditionally.
Think about it. It makes no sense. If someone wants to groom your child or even murder your child, are you going to sit back and say “Oh, I have unconditional love for you, so by all means, go right ahead”
Of course not!!
If someone you are in a relationship with is dangerous and wants to murder you, it would be extremely foolish of you to sit back and say “Oh, I have unconditional love for you, so by all means, go right ahead” We are not called to die for anyone when Christ has died for everyone – we are NOT God.
Or if someone wants to destroy Scriptural and Catholic teaching, inject sodomite teaching into your parish or home, desecrate holy objects, murder their unborn baby, are we to say “Oh, I have unconditional love for you, so by all means, go right ahead”
No, of course not!
God alone is the only person that should receive unconditional love from us.
On a human level, unconditional love is the love a mother has for their child – specifically a child that is 10 years old and under.
This is because the child at that age hasn’t yet learned about self-regulation, boundaries, empathy and reciprocity.
It is extremely unreasonable, unrealistic, and dangerous to expect or give that type of love to anyone outside of that dynamic.
And even with unconditional love between a mother and her child, there are still limits and boundaries. If the toddler really wants to play on train tracks with a train coming on, we do not say “Oh, I have unconditional love for you, so by all means, go right ahead”
As the child becomes an adult, reciprocity, mutual respect, and boundaries are expected between parent and child, in order for that love to be healthy and for the relationship to be functional, instead of dysfunctional.
Some toxic parents will demand unconditional obedience (which they label as ‘unconditional love’
But a lot of abusive people spout on about unconditional love because what they really mean is ” i want you to love me and OBEY ME unconditionally – without ever questioning what I do, how I treat you, and to always stay with me, no matter what!”
In essence, they want to force you into a parent-child type of relationship, where you are the parent and they are a toddler, continually receiving love, attention, and care, without no reciprocity, and regardless of how badly they treat you, throw a tantrum, stomp their feet or destroy property, or endanger your physical and mental wellbeing.
This is an extremely unrealistic and dangerous view of love, and an example of how abusive, toxic, narcissistic and manipulative people will twist, pervert and weaponise good traits and virtues against us.
Do not put up with it!
If a grown adult expects you to have unconditional love for them, you should ask them the following
“Are you my child? Are you a toddler who is mine?”
Unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance of bad behaviour and it certainly does not mean unconditional obedience; this is something that should be awarded to God alone.
Do not let evil gaslight you into making them an idol, when this sort of behaviour should be reserved for God alone.
Appropriate love should be expressed appropriately.
May we learn, grow, and be both discerning and wise in our relationships, friendships and interactions.
Our Lady, Seat Of Wisdom, pray for us.
ad Jesum per Mariam
2 thoughts on “Why Unconditional Love Should Never Be Given To Just Anyone”
Dear Liz, something in this speaks to me. I’m not sure why. See what you think.
Dear Paige, This was an interesting take. A critical parsing of an overused term. My doctor sister is in counseling. Counselors affirm the client in their woe, and help them to discover the chief source of all their difficulties: a toxic childhood, with toxic parents. Never mind all the evidence to the contrary. My generous, loving parents set our boundaries only after 15 years of ingratitude, abuse and manipulation by daughter, abusive isolationist son in law, and his Ephesians 5-chanting former Catholic protestant parents. They responded by accusing US of being toxic and “they” have set boundaries— no contact with the children. This estrangement seems to be an epidemic among white well-educated young urban professionals new to the white collar class. Tried to google “help dealing with abusive adult children,” but only discovered that nearly all counseling is tuned to telling parents to kiss their adult children’s butts ad nauseam, if they want a relationship. I.e. parents are blamed invariably. Please speak on this. Appreciate your prayers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Because Black lives matter, I don’t vote Democrat.
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