A few people who visit the TCF website and social media get a little angsty that i talk about narcissism and narcissistic abuse, and how to protect yourself from these. I occasionally get stupid remarks like “what does this have to do with traditional catholic femininity?” as if we humans live in some utopian bubble where no predators, manipulators and abusers exist.
Traditional Catholic Femininity and education on narcissistic abuse have everything to do with each other. If you focus only on TCF traits and remain wilfully ignorant on narcissism, you will open yourself to predators who will target you precisely for your traditional catholic feminine virtues and use them against you.
It is foolish to assume that everyone else has the same agenda and good intentions as you do. And there are many predators who deliberately target Catholic women who are feminine and traditional.
Do you think your beautiful virtues are enough to change a sociopath or predator?!
And it is no wonder that so many virtuous wonderful catholic women find themselves used and thrown away by narcissistic predators or trapped in marriages with abusers. They are miserable because they do not have the beautiful traditional gendered-role marriage that they envisioned.
But you will never have a happy, fulfilling relationship or marriage, where you are loved, cherished and provided for, with a predator – you just won’t.
Even the Bible tells us to test every spirit and to check the fruits of a tree.
Not everyone who claims to be Catholic or trad truly is – many are predators looking for prey.
With the manosphere’s increasing hatred of modern women who are feminists, they are looking into the church to find compliant, naive and trusting Catholic women. Those feminists won’t let allow these men to manipulate or abuse them, so these men are searching for prey in the church.
This is why education on narcissism is especially important for a TCF woman – in order to enable you to differentiate true gold from fool’s gold.
See my article MEN PREYING ON CATHOLIC WOMEN.
Luckily, a lot of my female TCF readers are taking my advice seriously and are now in happy vocations, with many of them married to wonderful men.
This year alone, I have had 3 TCF weddings and 5 engagements.
Here is a TCF success story from a reader who messaged me this week:
I messaged you almost a year ago thanking you for your work and asking for prayers after I ended a bad relationship. In this past year I have sought help and have realized it was truly an abusive relationship. Following your page helped me leave and looking back, I think I would have ended up like Gabby Petito if I had stayed- there were just so many similarities. Your page was instrumental in helping me. After that relationship ended, I sought God with a fervor I’ve never had before. I actually converted to the TLM after previously only attending NO. 😍 I’m so grateful to God for the honor to attend the TLM and I’m in love with it. My whole life has changed after making this switch. I feel closer to God and am better able to discern what He wants from me. I don’t tolerate abuse or disrespect anymore- even from toxic family members! Reading your articles had helped me so much. I do feel my vocation is marriage, though, so I prayed and followed your courtship advice.
I found a good traditional man who loves God above all else and who has treated me with respect since day one. His family is kind and not overbearing, he can provide well for a family and wants the things that I want. We met in November and got engaged in March! He said he knew right away, and we had both prayed to St. Joseph to find a spouse! …… We have a honeymoon booked for 2 weeks in the U.K., which for Americans like us is a HUGE treat! And we are also looking at buying a house soon after the wedding, while I will be a stay at home wife and, God willing, a mother! It is just incredible to me how God can work everything for our Good.
So thank you for the work you do. It truly opened up my eyes! God bless and keep you. 🙏
What a wonderful story and I asked her permission to share it with you all, to inspire any others who may be in a similar situation.
I am thoroughly happy for her and praying fervently for her new home.
Please know that being a TCF woman with boundaries, standards and sound knowledge on narcissistic abuse truly does open the door to your blessings quicker. God loves you and does not want you to be miserable.
He does not want you be in an abusive or controlling relationship.
And if you are in one, please end it and also work on going No Contact or distancing yourself from family members who are narcissistic and abusive.
Being around narcissistic people literally changes your brain and conditions you to not just accept abuse, but also be attracted to people who make you feel miserable and who may hurt, harm or even kill you.
When you remove toxicity from your life, you make space for the good ones to come in. Virtuous trad men are discerning and they will not want to be with a damaged woman because they know that it is not their job to save someone else. They want a partner, not a project.
However, the more you have abusive or narcissistic people in your life as friends, family, partners etc, the more they will damage and you will find yourself in a never-ending cycle of one toxic or unhappy relationship after the other.
God wants you to let go and trust Him. He does have something and someone far better for you, but you will never get it if you keep holding on tightly to someone that is harmful to you. So let that narcissist go!!
Spend your time developing these feminine traits and these feminine skills.
Focus on cultivating a feminine modest appearance, and wear dresses or skirts 90% of the time.
Spend time in prayer and Adoration.
Submit to God’s Will.
Be extremely picky and discerning when dating or using dating apps, and walk away if you spot these red flags.
Read my articles on femininity, grooming, courtship and on narcissism.
And never compromise on chastity. One of the quickest ways you will get a proposal is if you remain chaste and pure. So use my stages of courtship as a guideline.
And before you know it, you WILL capture the eye of a virtuous traditional Catholic man – your own St. Joseph – one who will joyfully and eagerly love you, protect you and provide for you.
Remember, an Ephesians 5 man is only ever attracted to the Proverbs 31 woman.
St. Joseph, model of masculinity and manhood, pray for us.
Our Lady, model of femininity and womanhood, pray for us.
ad Jesum per Mariam
One thought on “Finding True Love After Narcissistic Abuse”
This is the first time I have seen the subject of narcissistic abuse covered on a traditional, Catholic site. Thank you! I can tell the doubters narcissistic predators are real. I was married to one. I was”trapped” in an abusive marriage for 26 years. By “trapped” I mean that my ex-husband/abuser knew divorce would never cross my mind. After many moves to satisfy his career, he stopped coming home. Being the good, Catholic wife, I took care of homeschooling 4 kids, the home and farm, alone. After an exhausting 2 years I finally confronted him. Now, I knew there was no woman involved because he did not like spending money on anyone but himself. He was in love with his career and the acclaim it brought him as a dean at the local university. He stated with no emotion that he never loved me and no longer wanted a family. As many who suffer from the abuse could tell you, my first thought was, “I knew that already.” He never behaved as if he every loved anyone but himself. This is a very important subject and more women, and men need to look for the signs. The mask came off on our wedding night and I spent my honeymoon feeling unwanted, uncherished and unloved, and it lasted for the next 26 years. Although the Church rightly granted me an annulment, the abuse did not end there. My ex-husband spent the next 7 years luring and corrupting each of our children with cars, gaming systems, freedom to try alcohol and drugs, etc. Why? Because he was not satisfied with just discarding his “family.” He wanted to decimate and destroy them, primarily me. I am now 58 and raising two grandchildren since my ex-husband allowed our oldest son to have girls over while he was out of town! There are NO decent men on any of the Catholic dating sites either. They are all divorced men looking for loose women. I know of three women in my area who have suffered the same abuse and are not single parenting their children. Again, this abuse is real. You will suffer if you don’t at least consider the possibility.