A reader sent me a video (see below) about red flags in men over 40.
I think it is very very good and worth a watch, especially the part about being careful of men who put their daughters on a pedestal.
Now, of course, this can also apply to men who pedestalise their sons too, but it is usually the daughters that they pedestalise and use as an excuse to keep you at arms’ length or not commit to you fully.
As I watched the video, it reminded me of a TCF reader who in the past week, wrote to me about a guy she just started dating.
On Date 2, she asked him if he had ever cheated. This is a very good tactic.
Do not be afraid to ask these important questions early in the relationship before you get attached to them.
A lot of predators want to have you attached to them FIRST before they start disclosing major red flags because they expect you to remain with them after getting attached. And this is also why we do not have sex with men early in the relationship…..and if you are Catholic, not at all until your wedding night.
So the date of this TCF reader admitted that while he was in a 21-year-old relationship (big red flag right there – dating for 21 years with no commitment), he had a 7-YEAR AFFAIR with a coworker.
He was living with this woman for over 10 years and was cheating on her for SEVEN YEARS!! What a selfish and wicked man!!
His excuse was that because they bought the property together he could not easily leave. Nonsense!! He was able to leave and sell the property when his side-piece had enough and cheated on him, though.
SIDE NOTE – never buy property with or move in with a guy you are not married to.
It was only when that coworker cheated on him did he feel motivated to leave the first partner. But while things with the coworker did not get resolved and she did not take him back, he is still keeping a leg in that relationship, over a year after they split.
His excuse was that he was attached to the coworker’s 13-year-old daughter who he has known since she was 5, and he cannot leave her 🙄🙄
This child is not even his biological child, but he is claiming he cannot abandon the child – he is either a pervert and deviant or is using the child as an excuse to hang on to the mother.
Do you also see the entitlement here?! He feels justified and entitled to have this 3rd party in their ‘relationship’ and he expects TCF reader to just accept it.
He even tried to gaslight her by making her think he is being honourable “Oh, i cannot abandon the child. She needs me.”
No, she does not. She has her own biological father. You NEVER provided for her and her mother, you never even married her mother and now, you want us to believe you are pseudo-father of the year?!! Give me a break!!
He thinks that because the coworker was stupid enough to have an affair with him for 7 years while he was living with his girlfriend, that he now expects all other women will be the same.
He is going to be in a big shock!! The world has changed from 21 years and even 7 years ago. More people are educated on narcissism and sociopathy, and many people will give him a wide berth. He will end up alone, dying without a wife and dying childless.
TCF reader told him that she was not going to get involved with a guy who has unfinished business with an ex – especially an ex he was not even married to.
He told her he wanted a relationship with her, that he wants a family and that he will end that previous relationship in the following week.
So she gave him two weeks and in the meantime, he continued to love-bomb her and declared his love for her on Date 3 & started calling her his girlfriend, talking about their future family together.
When she asked him, at the end of the 1st month, if he had ended the previous connection like he said he would, he went into a bizarre meltdown, claiming he could not do it and in the same breath of him crying hysterically and pleading “I love you, only you!! I want you. I can’t stay away from you!”, he also said, “I choose her!” Referring to the ex’s child.
If you think sociopaths or narcissists do not have emotions, you are wrong. They have a lot of emotions – what they do not have is empathy. And they will weaponise emotions, even crying at the drop of a hat, in order to manipulate you and ensnare you into their trap.
So this loser claims to want a family, but instead of focusing on his new relationship and working towards making that happen so he can have his own biological children, he is obsessed with another man’s child…..and with the mother who doesn’t even want him anymore.
He is a very VERY foolish man and we do not want to be dating or marrying foolish people, because they will often make foolish, stupid decisions that can endanger us and our families.
Also, remember that one of the red flags of predators is when words do not match actions.
This sort of contradictory and unstable behaviour is a huge red flag of a dangerous person.
This man also has a pattern.
Remember that i also mentioned you should never listen to a man’s words or even actions; you need to observe his patterns.
His pattern was to cheat on his girlfriend with a side-piece, while refusing to let go of the girlfriend he claims he is over. He did that with his coworker and he wanted to do it with this TCF reader. He wanted to make her his side piece and guess what, he would have cheated on her eventually with another person.
Plus, his pattern also shows that he is a commitment-phobe. I feel so sorry for the first girlfriend he was with for 21 years. She waited and waited for him, and at age 48, it will be difficult for her to find a suitable partner or to have children.
Remember what I said about never ever waiting for a man. If only this man’s first girlfriend had read that article. And also Nia Long, who having dated her partner for over 10 years and he was engaged to him for 7 years (basically, he gave her a shut-up ring), ended up being cheated on, publicly humiliated ad thrown away like trash.
This man only enjoys chaos, drama and conflict and that is why he likes to keep multiple relationships going, regardless of how his actions will destroy the women he is involved with. He cannot provide stability or commitment at all.
Please share my articles with as many people as possible. As more women and girls start to understand the red flags and see the tactics of these predators and sociopaths,, they will lose their power because women will no longer put up with being used, strung along, abused and so on.
Thank goodness that the TCF reader in the story above ran from this guy.
She had enough wisdom and discernment to end the relationship and told him to never contact her again, and she blocked him.
As feminine and trad women, we NEVER compete with any other woman for the affections of a man. A man who truly loves you or cares about you will protect you and never put you in a situation where you have to compete with someone else – they will instantly lose the other connection, not make excuses and then expect you to shut up and put up with it.
And that is the only way to treat people like this.
And if you are a single mother, please be extremely careful with the type of men you date and allow your children. I would not even allow them to meet the child/ren until after at least 3 months of dating.
Below is the video that was sent to me. It is very good.
Make sure you watch it on YouTube, and read the comments under the video too – they are very insightful.
Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us.
ad Jesum per Mariam