Perhaps I should have titled this article “Why You Should Never Pay On A Date With Men” or “Why You Should Never Go 50-50 With A Man” or “Why You Should Only Date Men Who Are Pay On Date”.
In any case, the entire point of this article is to highlight why you must allow men to pay on dates, why you must never offer to pay on dates, why you must never go 50-50 on dates, and why you must walk away from men who do not pay, who expect you to pay, or who want to go 50-50 on dates.
Now, if you are one of those liberal “independent women” who want to go 50-50 on dates, pay on dates or far worse, ask a man on a date (*vomits violently*!!), by all means, click off this article – it is not for you!
As you know, I am a huge proponent of men paying on dates and it is a real-life demonstration of genuine masculine energy.
If he asks you out on a date or takes you out, he pays.
Not you paying for the date…..not 50-50…..he pays! PERIOD!!
The only time you pay for a man on a date is if you are already MARRIED TO HIM and, say, you are taking him out as a treat.
He is wooing YOU, not the other way around……and you assessing to see whether or not he is husband-material.
Personally, I have NEVER paid on any date I went on before I met my husband; I never paid on any dates with my husband either and the only time I paid for my husband was on a few of his birthdays.
I surprised him by taking him out somewhere as a treat…..somewhere he really wanted to go…..and I paid for it.
Little surprises like these are how you can keep your marriage fresh and exciting.
Men are biologically and naturally hardwired to provide.
This wiring does not go away, no matter how modern “the times” get.
It is as much a part of his masculinity as him having male sexual organs – and it will never change.
Paying on dates is the modern-day version of a man proving that he can provide for you financially and materially. He pays as part of the wooing process.
Of course, there are some “modern” men who are liberal and claim to want women to pay on dates.
These men are either predators, male feminists (gross!!), manipulators, have mommy issues, users and abusers, or are simply just not into you.
Then there are misogynistic men who take sadistic pleasure in humiliating and degrading women by coercing them into subjugating their feminine energy and making them do things that are naturally against true feminine nature and that are expected from men.
Once you start doing things for him that he should be doing for you, he immediately sees you as desperate, unwanted, and needy, and thus deserving of every bit of abuse, mind games, manipulation, and coldness that they will next dish out on you.
As much as men are hardwired to provide, they are also driven to invest – time, money, and effort – in things and people that they value.
If he is not investing in you – gift-giving, taking you on dates, and paying for them, and so on – then he just does not value you at all.
So, a man paying on dates is necessary not just to gauge whether or not he is capable of being a provider, but also whether or not he is truly interested in you.
Too many women think that a man’s physical attraction is a measure of their level of interest in you. WRONG!!
A man’s sexual urges towards or physical attraction for you and desire to kiss you or have sex with you is not an indicator of his level of interest in you. Men can get physically attracted to many many women within a short space of time…..you are literally not that special to him.
A man can be physically attracted to you and still not value you, love you, or have any interest in committing to you. A man’s lust for you is NOT the compliment that you think it is.
This is why many men walk away after you give them sex or physical intimacy
When dating, if the man who is courting you expects you to pay, expects you to go 50-50 or is unwilling to pay on the dates and outings they take you on, it is a very clear sign that they are not interested in you, they do not value you, they simply want to use you and then throw you away, and they have no intentions of investing in a future with you. You are disposable to them……like a cheap plastic cup.
Think of it. If you have a plastic disposable cup, you use it.
You may drink from it, use it to hold your drinks or pour nasty stuff into it …..at the end of the day, you throw it away.
You do not hold on to it.
However, if you have a gold-plated or crystal-cut cup that you spent good money on, you treat it with more care and do not use it for nasty, trashy purposes or to hold liquids and substances that may damage or break it.
So if a guy expects or asks you to pay on the first date, by all means, do so……and then NEVER see him again. Just block him!!
If he used to pay on dates and then suddenly now wants you to be paying, he has pulled a bait and switch on you. Pay that ONE TIME…..and then NEVER see him again. Just block him!
He has just told you that he does not value you and does not see you as worth his investment. And you should see this as a gross insult.
When you walk away and block him, you preserve not just your femininity, but also your dignity
Some men will pull this trick of asking you to pay as a way of testing you……to see what kind of woman you are. Are you desperate for a boyfriend? Are you needy? Are you a high-value woman who will not compromise her femininity and knows that she is high-value and can find a man who will treat her well? Or are you willing to put up with mistreatment?
Recognise this test for what it is and walk away from any man who expects you to pay on dates that he takes you on.
Never let a man degrade you in this way.
There are too many men out there who would gladly pay on dates; do not waste your time on those who won’t.
But, Paige, I do not know how to act when I go on a date with a guy.
When you go on a date with a guy, do not reach for your purse at the end of the date. Simply sit with your hands folded, smile sweetly and genuinely at him, and say something appreciative like “Thank you so much for this date. It was very lovely!” Or if you feel like it, you can reach over and place a hand over his hand while you say the above.
And no, you do not need to give him physical intimate access to your body or even let him kiss you as a “reward” or “thank you” for him spending on you on a date.
You are a feminine woman being courted – not a hooker being paid for services!! Do not place yourself in the category of a hooker!!
You teach men how to treat you and they will never treat you with value and respect if you do not value or respect your feminine energy.
The date does not need to be expensive and a coffee date is NEVER acceptable – you want someone who puts in an effort.
A coffee date is something I would do with my girlfriends, not someone I am dating. He should be able to put in an effort and take you somewhere he can afford.
For my male readers, you may want to see Date Planning Tips For Men
But, Paige, there is this really nice place I want to go to!!
If there is a really nice place that you want to go to, but either he cannot afford it or simply does not think you are worth the investment, don’t ask him to take you there and then you offer to pay!
Go with your girlfriends or a family member. instead. You do not need a man in order to treat yourself.
When dating, if you are truly serious about getting a commitment and getting married or simply not being used or not attracting predators, users, abusers, and manipulators, and ESPECIALLY if you want a man who is masculine enough to provide and protect you, then you MUST remain in your God-given feminine energy and remain receptive.
Men give, women receive….even our sexual organs and anatomy are a visual reminder of this!
Also, see How To Know He Is Able and Willing To Provide and A Stingy Man Will Make A Stingy Husband
Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, Model of Femininity, pray for us.
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Hi Paige, I think this was pretty good.
My one issue is when you said the woman should not even offer to pay. I think men should pay most of the time. But if the woman doesn’t ever at least “pretend” to offer paying, it can signal to the guy that she’s only interested in money and free meals.
Again, men should pay most of the time, but women should also signal early on that they’re not dating just for free stuff. Hope this helps.
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that is ridiculous! no genuine man would ever think that a woman is only interested in money and free meals simply becos he is paying – that is utter nonsense. only jaded bitter men and jaded women will think this way.
and women should never EVER date men who have this sort of mindset cos this signals that the man is a serial dater and has run into a lot of users who have left him jaded. It is NOT HER JOB to placate him or convince him of anything ……and that sort of attitude never works anyway cos sooner or later, men like these will still find something to nitpick about.
in any case, serial daters will always paint a new woman with the same nasty brush and viewpoint that he has done to the others – walking on eggshells, placating him will not change that and will even convince him further that your efforts of pretending to pay is yet another manipulative tactic.
you also need to realise that walking on eggshellls is major red flag that you are dealing with an abusive person…….and pretending/offering to pay and similar tactics to placate him is definitely a sign of walking on eggshells.
these types of men are completely damaged and should not be dating at all until they have healed.
it is not your job as a woman to convince him, justify, argue, defend or placate him for his previous dating errors.
you should never be punished for what he has experienced in his past and if a man does this or tries to use his past experience as an excuse, YOU WALK AWAY. PERIOD!!
You should never ever be trying to convince a man to pick you or choose you. A man who is determined to reject you will damage you, run you through the mill and still reject you. and a man who is determined to be with you will do everything to be with you.
This attitude you describe is PICK-ME mentality. Never EVER play the pick-me dance with a man.
A trad feminine high-value woman focuses on BEING CHOOSY, not on BEING CHOSEN!
All you have to do when a man asks you on a date and you wish to go, is to graciously accept and let him take care of it, enjoying the date with zero expectations and zero assumptions of what he may or not be thinking, may or may not have experienced in the past.
It is very insulting to him for you to have these preconceptions of him so early on.
It will also signal to him that you are not used to men paying on dates or that you do not trust men or that so many men have damaged you so much in the past – all of this is baggage and men want a carefree, light-hearted, baggage-free woman who has not been damaged by the games of several other men.
all this “pretending to pay” nonsense and similar behaviours is manipulative. Decent, genuine men (and even those who are damaged) will see through it and they will find you extremely manipulative…..and to the damaged men who already think that women use them for free dates, you will just confirm to them that you are not to be trusted.
if a man has that mindset that women are only trying to get free dates and meals, NEVER DATE HIM.
He is already damaged! Why on earth are you trying to get a damaged man to pick you??!
Are you not trad, feminine high-value woman?? Do better!!
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My daughter and I enjoy reading your blog. She’s in the early stages dating a young man and while he pays for dates, she sometimes offers to make a picnic lunch for them both to eat after mass so they can talk and get to know each other more. While he plans all the dates that cost money, she is surprising her date with a free activity to a place where they can walk though a park decorated with a bunch of Christmas lights. We’ve both been enjoying your content!
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you need to stop her from doing this.
that free activity you mentioned is a very romantic thing cos of the christmas lights and decorations – this is something he should be suggesting or doing for her – romantic gestures like these are what men do to woo the woman, never the other way around.
and seeing that it is free, there is no excuse for him not suggesting this and taking her there.
it is very common for women to treat men the way that they themselves want to be treated: they get the man flowers or chocolates becos that is what they want; they take the man on picnics and romantic dates like these cos that is what they want…..
if she is not careful, she will be too caught up in her own fantasy to realise that he may not be into her at all. if a guy is not being romantic towards you or taking you on romantic dates and buying you gifts that are romantic, then he is not in love with you.
men know how to treat women, and if the guy is in love with you, he will not be hesitant in expressing it with romantic gestures.
please tell her to stop – let her step back and remain receptive. it does not matter if these picnics or decorated parks are free, it is the action, the gesture itself that is the issue – not the money.
if he is the one suggesting and then taking her to this park, that is good…..not if she is the one doing it – that is chasing and wooing energy
if he is the one suggesting the picnic or perhaps taking her to the shop where they bought select items for a picnic, which he then pays for, then that is fine. if it is her preparing the picnic or bringing the food, that is very very wrong.
also, a picnic is a date that is only acceptable in couples under 25 or in established couples ie they are already engaged or they are married. it is not a date that is appropriate for wooing a woman – it shows very low effort and thus low interest.
if she continues like this, i would not be surprised if one day he suddenly withdraws, pulls away or ends things – it is becos she is not letting him take initiative -.
no matter how much we want a man to take us on certain dates or do certain things, we MUST let him do it of his own accord, without us being so controlling.
is she really interested in this guy and attracted to him? or is she more attracted to the idea of romance and love that she sees on social media and she is trying force that on him and recreate the image with a man who may not be that much into her?
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Dear Paige,
Thank you for the sound advice that resonates with any sensible woman. However, most modern men feel that if a woman is receptive and non-initiative, she is playing games and wants to be chased 🤯 I’ve had a man, who appeared conservative/traditional, express this. Needless to say, it rubbed me off the wrong way and I ended things with him.
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a man who has that pre-conceived mindset is not the man you want, anyway. when a person has already determined that women are manipulative, every thing you do will be perceived from that lens and nothing you do, no matter how nice or accomodating you are, will change the mindset or convince them that you are not this evil manipulative person.
and there is nothing wrong with women wanting to be chased. it is perfectly natural and normal men understand this.
toxic and abusive men know this too, but do not want to chase women ie give women what they are rightfully due, cos it is a way to punish, subjugate and degrade women. These are also men that you should completely avoid.
a genuine trad, non-abusive men not only understands that women should be pursued and wooed, they are very happy to do so, without labelling her as manipulative. It is just ridiculous!!
Would you call a baby manipulatve cos it is crying to be cuddled? No! The crying is a perfectly normal behaviour.
Also, beware of men who intiially pursues you and then when they see you are attached to them, they withdraw and now want you to chase them. This is a dirty manipulative bait and switch that abusers use and evidence that the original wooing they did was love-bombing….it was never sincere….it was all a mask to draw you in.
if a man pulls this nonsense on you, you walk away!
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and finally, making picnic lunch for man……NO, NO, NO……that is giving him wife duties that he has not yet earned. We do not cook for them or prepare meals for them until they have earned it ie MARRIAGE, or at the very least, an engagement!
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I think there might be a few cases where a woman should pay for her meal, and that’s if the person she finds herself on a date with is such a terrible person that she fears if she accepts anything from him, he will have “expectations,” and perhaps the woman might even be afraid of him. She should toss down money for her meal and leave the situation ASAP, by Uber if necessary, and not do anything to make the cad feel she owes him anything. But otherwise, I agree. I say this for reasons of safety.
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absolutely not!! that sounds like you are fearful he would hurt or harm her for rejecting him.
or that she feels guilty for rejecting him. it is not a good thing to do at all.
it was the man’s CHOICE to ask her on a date. A date is not a marriage and not all dates will lead to a relationship or marriage, but a woman does not need to pay in any way at all.
Men understand that not all dates will result in marriage of relationship.
He asks you on a date, he pays.
Don’t insult him further by emasculating him by paying for the date and then disappearing on him. That is far worse and shows conniving behaviour on the part of the woman.
If there is no connection, you still let him pay and then afterwards, the following day, you can text me that you do not see this going further as you believe you two are very different and thus incompatible. And then you wish him the best for his future.
Paying for the date he asked you on and then later rejecting is far far worse manipulative behaviour.
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