Earlier this week, I came across this tweet:
I have to say, not only do I think she is on to something, but I think that the same mindset should also be applied to single women who do not have children as well as senior single women.
In my article, dating someone who loves at home, the key takeaway was that ideally men over the age of 21, should learn independent living and should move out and live in their family home. This prepares them to be responsible for the role of being a provider and protector to their future family. Even if they are not financially able to purchase their own home or even rent alone, they can and should co-rent with another male. An adult man living with his parents emasculates and infantilises and the longer he stays there, the less fit he becomes for relationship and marriage.
Women, on the other hand, should ideally remain at home with their parents, moving out only when they get married. The key premise for this is so that they continue to learn homemaking and home management skills, and more importantly, for their own protection.
However, this may not only be possible for several reasons: the single woman has children, the parents live too far away, breakdown in relationship with the parents, or the parents are no longer alive.
In this case, single women should co-buy or co-rent a property with other single women – a single mom should join forces with another single mom, and a single woman without children should join forces with another single woman.
It totally eliminates the need to cohabit with a guy who is not your husband, it provides stability, it is protective due to the small community around you which will look out for your safety, and it makes you less likely to rush into a relationship and marriage simply because you do not want to live alone or because you are lonely and in need of companionship.
A lot of women today who are single and living alone become prey to abusers, monsters, and predators or they rush into marriages and relationships to gain companionship that they should be getting from a community of their own female friends. Or they get abused, preyed upon, used or even murdered.
And all single women are vulnerable – whether they are young, single and without children, single moms with children, or senior single woman are may be widowed or divorced. See my article
when he asks if you live alone.
If you are a single mom, even if you co-parent with your child’s father, get with 1-2 other single moms, pool your resources, and co-buy a property together. This will provide safety and stability for yourself and your children. You can even take turns cooking dinner, divide up chores. Single moms would have much-needed support, as well as emotional and financial relief. This phenomenon has even gained a name – the mommune ie communal living for moms. Here is
why this system is very beneficial.
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If you are single and without children, get with 2 or 3 of your trusted single female friends or even female family members (cousins or sisters), pool your resources together, and buy or lease a property that you can all share.
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And for senior single women, it is a great way to have companionship, avoid loneliness, gain some safety, and share the costs too.
SEE THIS.
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This is why it is so important to have strong, healthy female friendships. From the time you are in high school or university, instead of focusing on men, you should work on building female friends, avoiding and eliminating friendships with toxic or narcissistic women, and growing your social relationships. Even after the school-age years, you can still build connections with women at work, at the church y engaging in parish social events and getting to know other women, or via your hobbies by joining local groups that support your hobbies and connecting with women there.
As a woman, building strong female friendships should take priority before you start trying to build relationships with men or search for a spouse.
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Having a supportive village or community around you is invaluable, will serve you well for decades to come, and oftentimes, will offer better long-term support and stability than random men who come into your life to use you and dash out again, leaving you alone and empty. With a community of like-minded women around you, you will never be abandoned or lonely……..and you will be safer too.
You do not have to wait until you get married to buy your own property or achieve stability.
Doing this will not only build financial equity that will secure your future, you are more likely to make sound choices in a future partner because you are no longer so desperate that you go for the first predator that comes along due to clouded judgement. House sharing with other single females will also drastically reduce the risk of falling into sin and having premarital sex.
It will be a bit like you are still living with your parents, as you will be accountable to your housemates, or at least, like you are living with family members.
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Traditionally, women never lived alone; they lived with their husbands, their fathers or the widowed ones lived with extended family members, and we even see this system in Biblical times too. This way, women received protection and stability. However, we can adapt the traditional practice for modern times by house-sharing or co-buying property with other single women and isn’t it interesting that modern society is subconsciously connecting with these traditional practices as we can see in the rise of ‘mommunes’, ‘senior single women communal living’ and even organisations and housing companies that cater to this need, such as Coabode?
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In today’s world, single women (including single moms and widows) are still preyed upon and are in need of protection. If you
go back to the tweet and read the replies, you will notice a lot of angry, bitter comments from predatory men…….they are furious at the prospect of losing access to prey and their reaction is simply further confirmation that single women need to implement this strategy in their lives, for their own safety, stability and protection, and to curb against impulsively dating or marrying unsuitable or dangerous men.
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Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us
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I’ve always admired how in the Anne of Green Gables series Anne, in her college years, would find lodgings with older single women landlords and with other young ladies. I was accepted into St. Francis Xavier University in Nova Scotia, Canada, and if I had gone I was going to take up lodging in their female-only Catholic boarding house.
My sister and I have talked about living together should we be elderly widows.
Soon, my husband and I will have to find a place for his mother to live. She will be widowed likely before the end of this year. Unfortunately, we honestly have no room in our current home as it is very small and our children are already shoe-horned in, but we are looking at lodgings for seniors nearby where she will have good company and security and we can be close to enough to care for her.
I think people feel too individualistic and set-in-their-ways to be bothered with living with others, especially here in the part of America where I live. Housing used to be very affordable, even for those of low-income. Now, though, housing has become exponentially more expensive and more and more families and friends are finding ways to be roommates or multi-generational homes. It absolutely makes sense for single women to “take up lodgings” with each other!
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