Dating someone who lives at home, who lives under their parents’ or family’s roof or within close distance to their family is a big NO-NO…..with some exceptions
In order to truly mature and become a responsible adult, a man MUST leave home.
Without doing so, he will never develop independence and responsibility, as he will always be reliant on his family, physically, mentally and emotional.
Only on his own can he learn to flourish and then be capable of leading his own family as a husband and father.
Independent living for men enables him to develop valuable traits such as duty, responsibility and leadership. It also forms his character in developing the Biblical traditional masculine traits of a high value husband and father: the ability to LEAD, to PROTECT and to PROVIDE.
This is why it is a BAD IDEA to date or even marry any man, like this 50 year old fella, who over the age 25 is still living with his parents or who lives so close to them that his mother or female relatives still does his laundry, makes his meals etc
A man cannot lead, protect or provide for you and your future children if he has not already learned to do so through independence and responsibility.
A man learns to be a man of virtue, honour, strength, and responsibility by leaving home and working to establish himself independently from his family.
The converse is true for women.
A woman learns to be a godly woman of virtue by remaining in the family home until she is married.
This was how it was done in the past and one of the reasons why marriages were more successful.
If I were still single, I wouldn’t date a dependent guy.
When I met my husband, he was definitely independent and had his own place.
It was not expensive or flashy. It was a rental property, but it was his.
He was paying his bills regularly, taking care of his car which he used for work, dealing with repairs around the home, managing his taxes and of course, holding down a job in order to meet his living expenses.
All these are essential life skills that an adult man needs before he can be considered fit for marriage and family.
A man who fails to do this and prefers to live at home out of comfort or because they “want to save money” is lying to you and to himself. He is an opportunistic user, taking advantage of his parents (he would do the same to you!), irrespojnsible and frankly he is a product of BAD PARENTING.
For men seeking to date or choose a wife, the converse is true.
Date or marry women who live at home.
But, Paige, what about the single women over 35 who do not live in their parents’ home? What then?
If I were a guy dating a woman over 28, I would only go for a woman who lives independently, but really close to her parents (ie on the same street) or who lives in a shared property with other women.
These two scenarios provide the “family” factor for the single woman and increases her value by adding to her respectability.
The only exceptions to this would be widows who are more likely to live independently in their marital home following the demise of their husbands and single mothers, who for obvious reasons, need to live in their own property.
To be honest, if you are a single, child-free woman over 28 years old who is unable to live with your parents or family, sharing a property with other single Catholic or Christian women will not only provide you a sisterhood, but also help you save money.
You are less likely to attract predatory men or users who just want to take advantage of you. Living with your family or the “sisterhood” means you are accountable to others who WILL be looking out for you and for your safety. This tends to deter a lot of predatory, dishonest or disingenious men.
This practise is common among other christian communities like the Mormons, 7th Day Adventists, Jehovah’s Witness and so on, in order to prevent scandal and foster chastity for the single women.
If these “Christian” denominations are capable, wny not us – the original Christian denomination?
You can even find likeminded single Christian women via local Christian groups or your parish church to house-share with.
Also, see HOW TO TELL IF HE IS MARRIAGE-MINDED
A TCF reader sent me this message
“Just to add to the blog post regarding women’s living situation, asides from cults like Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons and 7th Day Adventists, 1950s and even Victorian single working women also often lived together in boarding houses and some modern-day convents and retreat centres, especially in Europe, accept tenants. There’s definitely a Catholic precedent, no need to look into fringe group traditions.
Sometimes the single ladies staying at convents end up discerning their vocations, so that’s an added bonus. I know this might be a custom in some places in Europe, but it would be best to get a recommendation from a priest if you’re looking into t to increase your chances of getting in.
Depending on the country you are from and your income, rates may be high or low. Ex.
For a Canadian living in a convent in Poland, the rates are cheap, but for a Canadian living in a convent in the eurozone, rates are high.
You’d also need to find a job near the convent or retreat centre, so if there isn’t one in your city, that’s something to consider.”
And she does make really good points here!!
If you an adult man calling yourself a traditional Catholic man and you STILL live with your parents or family, you should be ashamed of yourself. GROW UP!!
As parents, it is our duty to raise and prepare our children for adulthood, and ensure they are fit functional adults that we can then hand off to their spouse who will continue our lineage.
Even the Bible says:
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” – GENESIS 2 : 24
Simply put, a man cannot have a wife until he has first left his father and his mother (independent living) and he cannot be one either with his wife unless he has first developed all skills mentioned above via independent living and responsibility.
Failure and heartache ensues when we try to put the cart before the horse.
Having your adult child at home is a public sign of BAD PARENTING. No woman wants to a spouse that she has to baby and raise because you failed in your job, so chances of your son bagging a virtuous woman will be minimal and if he does, he would eventually lose her or the relationship will be irretrievable broken.
A healthy relationship and marriage only occurs between two health ADULTS, not being an ADULT and a MAN-BABY.
By age 21-23, your adult son should leave the family home. Sure his new living circumstances will not be as plush or comfortable as the family home, but it is now his job to learn to stand on his own feet.
For your daughters, they can remain at home until age 28 – they are still expected to contribute to family chores, expenses and so on. If they remain unmarried after 28 years, kick them out – they should go find a houseshare.
Allowing your adult children to remain developmentally stunted may feel good to you because you get to baby them forever, but it damages them in the longterm as you render them unmarriageable and much more likely to grow old alone and die alone.
Is this REALLY what you want??!
Holy Family, model of marriage and family life, pray for us.
Jesum per Mariam