Time is precious and wasted time is time that you will never get back.
In THIS article, I stress the importance of being prudent and judicious with your time when dating or being courted by a man.
Wasting your fertile years on a never-ending longterm relationship is the mistake of a lifetime because once the man discards you for another, you have lost several points of your physical and sexual attractiveness, limiting your options and access to quality men.
A relationship that is more than two years without a commitment is a relationship with no future. And even if he ends up making a commitment after the two-mark year, most likely, it is because he settled for you while trying to keep his options open. This is hardly a good start to a marriage.
Men are decisive and natural hunters. It does not take 2 years for a man to know that he wants to make you his wife. A vast majority of men, my husband included, all confirmed that they knew she was the One within 6 months or less.
Being loyal or exclusive to a man who has not done you the decency of earning that loyalty by making a commitment to you is the height of foolishness.
A lot of men would gladly date you for years, decades even, with no commitment whatsoever before either discarding you for someone else or grudgingly making a commitment to you.
This blatant disrespect to you as a person and of your time is not their fault.
It is yours, for allowing them to treat you that way.
Ladies, keep in mind that men know the moment they met you if they want to simply use you for whatever resources that they can tap from your or they’re going to make you their wife.
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you reinforce and what you stop.
Refusing to date beyond two-years is not just to prevent the near occasion of falling into sexual sin, but it also displays that you are a woman who is dignified and who respects herself, not a woman who is desperate and clingy.
Lack of dignity and self-respect opens you up to men who will use, abuse and toy with you, during the dating process and within marriage.
If you are dating to be someone’s girlfriend, then you will have your time, beauty, youth, and fertility wasted, with nothing left to show it except a broken heart.
If you are dating to be a wife, then you must treat dating as him auditioning to be your husband and lose him if he does not make the cut.
It is said that women fall in love through their ears, which is why a lot of men will tell you sweet nothings and promises of a future that they have no intention of fulfilling with you.
You MUST pay attention to his actions and circumstances, rather than his words.
VETTING TO SEE IF HE IS MARRIAGE-MINDED……TO YOU!!
His lifestyle is a reflection of his current state of mind. What sort of lifestyle does he lead?
If he goes partying every weekend, is not saving for a home, or perhaps intends to quit his job and go travelling, chances are he is not intending to get married in the near future. And no, you will not be the one to change his mind.
Also along these lines, look at his friends, siblings, close family and acquaintances. If a vast majority of them are single, divorced or in longterm relationships (4 years plus, with no commitment), don’t be fooled by whatever nonsense he is feeding you; he is NOT looking to get married.
People are greatly influenced by the company that they keep.
A man with a small social circle, comprising mainly of men, is more marriage-minded than a guy with a large social circle, comprising mainly of women.
Men who are social butterflies tend to constantly seek new and exciting people in their lives and they are less likely to settle down due to their incessant need for stimulation.
It is not enough for him to simply have a job. He should have a career AND a plan for his future.
If he is still in education, he is not marriage-minded. Dating him while he pursues his education is opening yourself up to heartache because his needs, desires and priorities will change once he graduates.
You are not supposed to be ‘building’ with him or giving him the loyalty that should only be reserved for a husband.
That sort of support should only be given to a man who is already your husband and perhaps is going through a temporarily difficult time, financially or workwise.
Adam had everything prepared before Eve was presented to him,
Likewise, a man only truly begins to think of marriage when his table is prepared otherwise you will end up preparing, supporting and building that table with him, only for him to then go after someone else, who will not enjoy the benefits of your hard work and patience.
You are not his mother. Men do not fall in love with their mothers and while he will appreciate all the care, support and nurturing that you provide, he would resent, lose sexual interest in you and ultimately cheat on you.
He should be in regular, longterm and stable employment before you consider dating him.
The job type and income level are not so important. What is more important is that it is regular, longterm, consistent and stable.
Some men are good at talking the talk. They will tell you of all their ambitious plans and grand future schemes. Guess what, 10 years later, they will still be doing the same thing. These sort of men are not marriage-minded as they are more likely to have little to no income, have many girlfriends (who support him financially) and also more likely to cheat. Avoid like the plague!
How is he with his family? If he does not have family or is not close to his family, how is he with his friends’ families?
Does he spend time with them? Does he visit them regularly? Does he engage in family-oriented activities or does he prefer to go partying and travelling?
A man with no sense of belonging to his family is a man who is less likely to want a sense of belonging as an adult.
A man with no virtue or character is no man at all. Watch his character. Do his actions match up with his words?
Does he communicate well and directly, or is he evasive and smooth-talking?
How does he handle conflict, disagreement or adversity? Does he react in a mature, adult and responsible manner or does he have a melt-down, throw a temper-tantrum, sulk, give you the silent treatment, shirk responsibility, pass the blame or shut down? This sort of man will be a nightmare as a husband and you will be relegated to the Mommy role, while he neglects and cheats on you.
Also, observe him for signs of lack of self-control and addictions. The way we do things in one area of our lives generally is the way we do things in other areas of our lives.
So, if he displays lack of self-control in spending, drinking, food and the like, he would be wasteful, alcoholic and unfaithful in intimate relationships.
A man who is going through any addictions has a lot of work to do on himself. Addictions are usually co-morbid with other unsavoury character traits like cheating, lying and stealing. Never date a man who has an addiction of any kind.
Find out about his previous relationships. How long were they together for? Why did they break up? Was there infidelity, abuse, or addiction involved?
How long has he been single in-between relationships? Little gaps between relationships is indicative of a man with no self-control, no self-insight and one addicted to validation and attention from others.
When was his last relationship? If his last relationship ended recently, run!!
What sort of woman did he date? The sort of woman that a man is used to dating tells you A LOT not just about the type of woman he is deeply attracted to, but also about his character.
For example, if he has a history of dating women with drug problems or other addictions, it shows that he is attracted to troubled, vulnerable or unsavoury women and these women, regardless of whatever mask he may be wearing to entrap and ensnare you, are a reflection of what he truly is.
You can also read THIS for red flags to discern who is real gold and who is fools’ gold.
Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us!
ad Jesum per Mariam