The So-Called Marital Debt

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I got the following message from a male TCF reader
I am a married man with two children.ย  ย I have been following your page for awhile and I really enjoy and whole heartedly agree with your posts.ย  I recently saw your post on CCC 2368 and how you unpacked it – well said and written.
That being said, pardon my ignorance if you have already written this, but could you discuss some considerations on the marital debt?ย  For both men and women?ย  I would like to know your two cents on it.
CCC 2368:
Responsible parenthood concerns regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children
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It is truly bizarre how some people are unable to exercise BASIC COMMON SENSE & DISCERNMENT when interpreting Scripture or the Catechism.
They harp on and fixate on a single phrase like “marital debt” and conveniently ‘forget’ all other Scripture like temperance (which is regulation of desires and appetites) and chastity, as well as Catechism like CCC 2368!
This is often because they fixate on that one particular phrase as a way to justify their immoderate appetites at the expense of the wife’s wellbeing.
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Why is it so hard for you to abstain for a few days in an entire month?
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Popping out babies after babies due to lack of self-control is sinful because
a) you are focusing more on your own gratification than the wellbeing of your wife or future kids, and
b) it is a gross display of lack of chastity and lack of temperance
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Any man who is married should know that a woman is not fertile every day of the month and on average, a woman is only fertile about 7-10 days in the month.
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Sex in marriage is sacred as it entails being co-creators with God.
It is not to satisfy your immoderate desires. And even God who spent time creating all of creation still rested!
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You cannot allow your wife some rest and control yourself for just one week??!
Shame on you!!!
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In addition, if a woman is recovering from illness, childbirth or otherwise, indisposed, you are more concerned about your own selfish gratification than her physical and emotional wellbeing??
SHAME ON YOU!! THIS IS NOT LOVE.
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Let me elaborate on what the marital debt entails so no one gets gaslighted and manipulated by someone perverting Scripture and twisting the Catechism.
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The marital debt is expected from both spouses, the husband and the wife.

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The marital debt does not mean a man is selfishly entitled to sex from his wife, regardless of her health, constitution, tiredness etc. She is NOT your sex toy to fulfill your sexual desires!

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If a woman is unwilling to engage AND this continues for extended periods of time ie months, the man still has no right to force it or demand it.

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When the above is the case and there are no health issues, then the other spouse needs to assess their own behaviour towards their spouse – are you being loving, kind, sacrificial, caring etc? Nobody will want to fulfill a ‘marital debt’ to a selfish, cruel, demanding person who simply uses their spouse for sex.

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The MARITAL DEBT entails husband and wife both fulfilling their obligation to their spouse, but it is ALWAYS a choice and FREE WILL is always in place. ALWAYS.

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Additionally, the marital debt means just as the spouse is to give themselves physically to their spouse, the other spouse is OBLIGED to treat them with decency, respect, care and love…..if they want that debt fulfilled.

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If the husband has done everything to provide, protect and keep his wife happy, safe and secure, and yet the marital debt is not being fulfilled, then the couple should go into counselling.

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The MARITAL DEBT is NOT an excuse for rape and it IS rape when a woman is forced or coerced into sex by her husband, against her wishes.
THE CHURCH DOES NOT ADVOCATE FOR MARITAL RAPE!

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For men who want the marital debt fulfilled, they need to ask themselves: are they loving their wives in an Ephesians 5 way?
Ephesians 5 tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, offering and sacrificing himself for the church.

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Is the husband having a sacrificial love for his wife??
If he insists on or demands sex when the woman is not in the mood, does that reflect as him temporarily sacrificing his lust and desires for her wellbeing??
If he cannot even sacrifice his urges, how can he sacrifice his life for her?
And being unable to make sacrifices for the wife shows he is definitely not Christian and thus not entitled to fulfillment of a marital debt.
Even God Himself does not force Himself on us; He lets us exercise our free will to choose Him.
Do not let anyone place themselves above God by denying your right to exercise your own God-given free will in whether or not to fulfill the marital debt if you do not feel up to it at that moment.
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This is why it is VERY important for women to observe carefully if the man courting them is able to control his desires towards her.
A man desperate to have sex with you is NOT evidence of love; evidence of love is when the man makes you his WIFE, not his SEX TOY.
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A man who truly loves you will respect you and make you his wife first.
There is no love if there is no respect.
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Additionally, a man being unable to moderate his desires towards you in the courtship could be harbouring severe issues like porn addiction or deviant sexual desires.ย  These issures will not go away even after marriage and giving him sex 24/7 and it will inevitably escalate to him cheating on you, using prostitutes, endangering your sexual health and possibly causing you infertility.
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Stay away from men like these.
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See the video below on traits a husband should have towards his wife cos it is clear some of y’all think once you get married, that’s it and you do not need to act in a Christlike, loving, protecting, sacrificial manner towards your wife.
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Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us

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