They harp on and fixate on a single phrase like “marital debt” and conveniently ‘forget’ all other Scripture like temperance (which is regulation of desires and appetites) and chastity, as well as Catechism like CCC 2368!
a) you are focusing more on your own gratification than the wellbeing of your wife or future kids, and
b) it is a gross display of lack of chastity and lack of temperance
It is not to satisfy your immoderate desires. And even God who spent time creating all of creation still rested!
Shame on you!!!
The marital debt is expected from both spouses, the husband and the wife.
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The marital debt does not mean a man is selfishly entitled to sex from his wife, regardless of her health, constitution, tiredness etc. She is NOT your sex toy to fulfill your sexual desires!
If a woman is unwilling to engage AND this continues for extended periods of time ie months, the man still has no right to force it or demand it.
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When the above is the case and there are no health issues, then the other spouse needs to assess their own behaviour towards their spouse – are you being loving, kind, sacrificial, caring etc? Nobody will want to fulfill a ‘marital debt’ to a selfish, cruel, demanding person who simply uses their spouse for sex.
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The MARITAL DEBT entails husband and wife both fulfilling their obligation to their spouse, but it is ALWAYS a choice and FREE WILL is always in place. ALWAYS.
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Additionally, the marital debt means just as the spouse is to give themselves physically to their spouse, the other spouse is OBLIGED to treat them with decency, respect, care and love…..if they want that debt fulfilled.
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If the husband has done everything to provide, protect and keep his wife happy, safe and secure, and yet the marital debt is not being fulfilled, then the couple should go into counselling.
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The MARITAL DEBT is NOT an excuse for rape and it IS rape when a woman is forced or coerced into sex by her husband, against her wishes.
THE CHURCH DOES NOT ADVOCATE FOR MARITAL RAPE!
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When we look at Jewish marriages, these tend to have large families….much larger than Catholic families overall. Like Catholics, they too are not advocates for abortion or contraception and sex is to be expressed within the confines of marriage only. And yet – they do not expect their wives to be sex toys, fulfilling their every sexual gratification 24/7. In fact, in Judaism, the marital couple are only expected to come together for sex and procreation 2 weeks in a month! The other 2 weeks, sex is not permitted due to the woman being on her menstrual cycle and to ensure she is fully clean for 7 days. The same rules apply after a woman has given birth – no sex allowed for a minimum of 3 months and until she is fully clean – no bleeding etc. This practice also allows the woman to regain her strength lost following a period or childbirth. Losing blood monthly or in childbirth is very tasking on the woman’s body, and it is the sin of injustice to not allow her to regain her energy and strength properly before pouncing on her for sex Another benefit of this abstinence is that it teaches the couple to have self-restraint, temperance and chastity and as a result, there is less likelihood of cheating or porn use because they are already used to moderating their desires. Also, by abstaining from each other periodically, the love, passion, desire and intense longing for each other is deepened because they start to value each other’s bodies much more. When they do come together again, everything feels like new, like the first time. And this is probably why Jewish families not only tend to have more children, but also have fewer divorces in comparison to Catholic marriages.
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Christianity is born from Judaism and while we do not need to adopt the Jewish mindset of women being “unclean”, we can and should adopt the practice of allowing space and time between the couple, to not just let the woman fully recover each month – our energy levels wax and wane through the month, they are not consistent like a man’s – but also to practice chastity and abstinence in order further deepen and strengthen the passion, love and desire between the couple. But too many thoroughly abusive and utterly selfish men see their wives as simply tools for their sexual gratification and they see marriage as license to use that property any way they like, without consideration or thought for her wellbeing, health or energy levels. It is disgusting and it is NOT Biblical.
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For men who want the marital debt fulfilled, they need to ask themselves: are they loving their wives in an Ephesians 5 way?
Ephesians 5 tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, offering and sacrificing himself for the church.
If he insists on or demands sex when the woman is not in the mood, does that reflect as him temporarily sacrificing his lust and desires for her wellbeing??
If he cannot even sacrifice his urges, how can he sacrifice his life for her?
And being unable to make sacrifices for the wife shows he is definitely not Christian and thus not entitled to fulfillment of a marital debt.
There is no love if there is no respect.
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Traditional Catholic Femininity 🌹🙏🌹 
This is some scary stuff, and I say this as a traditional Catholic wife. Were it up to you, women could do whatever they want because we would be surrounded by males who are doormats. God wants strong men and women.
You should read 1 Corinthians 7 3-5, especially the last sentence. And also learn from a Doctor of the Catholic Church, St Thomas Aquinas (64).
I will pray for you that your eyes be opened and that the millstone be removed from your neck.
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Do you even hear the jaw dropping agnorance, foolishness and pride in your comment?? You say that as a traditional wife – and??!! That means you are now oh so wise??!
You’re no better than the agnorant Catholics who say “I went to Catholic school….blah blah”
You think that makes you special??!
The devil was the right hand of God and he is the most evil being ever, due to his own pride and narcissism – which you display so clearly
The fact you want to weaponise your status as being better or special already shows your immense narcissistic and self-aggrandisement.
You are NOT special!!
I’m a traditional wife too and SAHM, and I clearly have more common sense than you do.
You refer to two mere sources and proceed to insult me – you are exactly the prideful NASTY kind of trad Catholic woman fraud that I warn both female and male trad Catholics about……but you try to cover up your nastiness & pride with false piety and fake virtue.
Every single thing I teach here is informed by church fathers, the Bible and a wealth of very holy people in the church, including Fr Ripperger, Fr Wolfe, Mother Angelica, Fulton Sheen and more.
And ps – this article on marital debt was written following a traditional Catholic priest who emailed me to clarify what it entails as he was seeing it being abused in trad Catholic marriages and he wanted me to spread the word to the TCF community and further afield on what the marital debt actually entails.
So I didn’t just spring this out of thin air!
But I’m sure you know better than traditional Catholic priests who have studied over and over again Biblical and Church teachings, cos after all you are a “traditional Catholic wife”, right??!!
Nothing narcissistic about that at all(!)
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And keep your demonic prayers to yourself; you need them far more than me, you nasty RUDE Pharisee and hypocrite!!
Hop off to Pearl Davis page, where you can gorge yourself on her warped and demonic ideas of marriage and femininity. Thanks!
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Is it a Red flag for a guy who is a traditional catholic, to bring up submission in women, and Pride in women as a major reason he struggled in the past in relationship? I worry it could be a red flag like lack of accountability on himself?
Question 2
How often is it okay for a man to bring up submission in courting?
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It is definitely a red flag and it sounds like he is trying to groom you by bringing up his past so you feel obliged to never do to him what he claims his ex did. It is NOT your job or responsibility to fix him from whatever disappointments he has had in his past. It is up to him to heal himself from that and until he does, he is not fit or ready for any relationship. This sounds like a man who is planning to punish you and abuse you for his past mistakes.
And it is never EVER okay for a man to bring up submission while courting or even married. It is a HUGE RED FLAG.
Until he has married you, he does not get to to ever talk about sex or submission.
If a man does this, start bringing up him providing for you, paying your bills and so on.
This man is a fraud; a faux trad; and also sounds extremely dangerous, abusive and manipulative.
I would end the friendship or relationship immediately, if I were you.
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also, see my article below:
ARE WOMEN TO SUBMIT AND OBEY
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I’d say it should never be brought up by a guy. Let this be a gut check for you ladies. If a man is attempting to date you, actively courting you and discerning marriage and some thing in your gut tells you you can’t submit to him there’s a reason. End things now! Trust in the holy spirit, there is a reason. As women we will naturally submit to true men of God, aka gentleman who establish an environment where we feel seen, known, loved, provided for. Where we see the gentleman is willing to sacrifice as God did for us. Don’t settle ladies. There is a wonderful man of God out there for you. Until you find him or he finds you just keep following and seeking after the perfect man Jesus.
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Part of the reason I have had problems with Catholicism are issues like people using the religion to make others do things they don’t want to, especially with the male/female dynamic. It’s meant for personal virtue, not to control other people or to create a heirarchy of power justification. Christian authority means to provide, protect, serve and cooperate towards a shared goal with free will. Thank you for speaking up as a traditional Catholic to say the former is not what the Church is teaching.
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This isn’t an issue with Catholicism, but of an individual person who needs to increase in virtue. Don’t fault The Catholic Church if a member sins because people can be selfish, that isn’t the fault of Jesus.
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Don’t fault the Catholic Church because an individual chooses to be lacking in virtue. It isn’t Jesus’ fault we sin. The Church is the One, True, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. It is the only Church that contains what we need for salvation.
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At the same time ideas have consequences and can be used in a bad way. Apply marital debt without any caveat in a society where some men are abusive and others excuse this abuse and you get marital rape not being illegal until the 20th century!
And while rapists need no excuse to rape preaching marital debts without caveats enables rapist husbands. And it helps other men to excuse their peer (as many men often tend to do)
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*slow clap* YESS! To all of this.
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