Some women tell me that they are worried that being feminine and receptive will make people want to take advantage of them.  

That is true in some cases, but that is also precisely how being feminine actually protects you from narcissists, predators and other manipulators.  

Modern men (especially toxic or misogynistic men, and even some misguided ‘trad’ men) perceive the vast majority of today’s women to be feminist-minded, hard, and cold-hearted bitches.  A truly feminine woman is always a refreshing change and many NORMAL men will feel relieved to have found a genuinely feminine woman.
But not so with narcissists and predators. When they see a feminine woman, they immediately assume that she must be naive, sheltered or gullible, and therefore, easy for them to take advantage of.  And therein lies both your power and your protection. 

Never be afraid to be feminine as your femininity will quickly filter out the abusers and users. Being feminine doesn’t just mean wearing dresses and makeup, and wearing your hair down and long. A lot of people see through this and even a feminist can pass off as feminine when she dresses.  Femininity also entails your attitude, your behaviour, how you conduct yourself, the boundaries and standards that you have set for yourself, being softly spoken, not revealing too much of yourself or being overly chatty, maintaining a sense of privacy, intrigue and mystique and NEVER chasing a guy or initiating things with him. 

Initially, a guy will obviously be attracted to how you look and what you wear aka your physical appearance  Of course, if your outfit is feminine without being overtly sexy and your hair is long and worn down, that would be more attractive to him. Prior to going on a date with him, keeping your message replies to him short, sweet and sparse, and not being overly chatty or revealing much about yourself will draw him further to you and make him comfortable to be himself with you. 

Now, let’s say he has asked you on a date. This is the time to further showcase feminine behaviour. You dress feminine, speak softly and feminine and are receptive during the date. You are not revealing too much of yourself and your life, laughing loudly, eating or drinking too much, you expect him to pay and you smile sweetly at his anecdotes and jokes

Now, one of two things will happen: 

If he is an upstanding and honourable man who will cherish your femininity, a rare trait in today’s world, then he would realise how precious you are and would be an absolute gentleman with you, respecting your boundaries, moving things at your pace and be prepared to wait or take things slow. He would also do all the gentlemanly things like opening doors for you, pulling out your seat for you, paying for the meal, grabbing your coat for you and maybe even putting it on you after the date, and sending you a check-in text after the date to make sure you have gotten home safely.
If a guy is doing these things, he is a good one and on the right track.  Let him do these things for you.  Don’t feel silly about having a man pull out the chairs, open the doors for you and so on.  You are a woman and a feminine one at that and he is telling you that he finds you valuable because he knows that you are a rare diamond in today’s world, and he wants to do everything to not just deserve and win you, but to treat you with utmost care! 

However, if he is a narcissist, predator, manipulator, abuser or user, here’s what will be going through his head, “Wow!! She seems gullible and naive! She will be easy for me to take advantage of. I can easily get what I want from her or get her to do xyz!!”

Next, he would expect you to be a doormat without any boundaries or standards and he will attempt to rush things with you, request money from you, ask you to come on to his turf (ie to come to his location for the date or even his home!), try to get physical with you and will also attempt to run roughshod over your boundary.  In short, he wants to take advantage of you, use and exploit you and then quickly get out before you realise what is happening. 

If you mention taking things slow or if you set a boundary, he may try to ridicule you for it in order to shame you into letting him have his way or he may get noticeably angry, impatient and irritated. He is not interested in working to get you; he just wants to hit it and quit it.  To him, a feminine woman is a woman who he can easily swindle; a woman without boundaries/standards

Sure, being feminine and soft can attract predators like flies to honey, but if you are also educated on boundaries/standards and red flags of these manipulators, they truly will not see you coming and will underestimate you. That is your power!

So, please never be worried about being feminine. It doesn’t necessarily attract predators and manipulators; it EXPOSES them very quickly, and more importantly, it will quickly show which men have genuinely honourable intentions towards you.
This is why I actively encourage women to live in their femininity and feminine energy. 

By the way, this tactic doesn’t just work in dating scenarios. Try it on men in work settings or friend/community groups and you will see similar results. Honourable, trustworthy and virtuous men will cherish your feminine qualities and want to protect you, and predators and manipulators will want to quickly exploit, use and abuse you.

Yes, I am married and my husband cherishes and protects me, but all the other men in my life, such as my male cousins, acquaintances, men in my church/social groups, male friends from childhood, and even male neighbours treat me with care, respect and protection……like I am their precious little sister.  It has more to do with my decorum and behaviour, than my appearance.

In short, your femininity inspires men, in general, to behave in an honourable and protective manner towards you, and it exposes manipulators and predators too.

Also, see
LONG HAIR AND FEMININITY
MEN PREYING ON CATHOLIC WOMEN
BIBLICAL BASIS FOR HAVING BOUNDARIES

 

Our Lady, model of femininity, pray for us!

 

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ad Jesum per Mariam

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