I received a question from a reader on one of my social media accounts.
Below is her question:
This is a great question and there are many points to cover here, which is why I believe it warrants a full blog post in response.
So I know you’ve stated your stance on how women shouldn’t be in the workforce/politics
First of all, I never said women should not be in the workforce.
I do believe that if you are a Catholic woman who feels called to marriage, then your vocation should come first.
Your focus should be on your husband, marriage and children. Everything else comes after that.
For example, there are some religious sisters, depending on whether or not they are in a cloistered community, who are nuns as well as nurses or teachers.
Yes, they do offer their services as nurses or teachers and so on, but their primary focus is their vocation – religious life.
I do believe that a woman of childbearing years or with young children should not be in the workforce, yes. Her priority should be towards her children.
Contrary to the lies that feminism has fed us with, we cannot have it all.
Something will have to give and in many cases, it is the children that suffer.
Women attempting to ‘have it all’ has led to increasing levels of misery, dissatisfaction, depression, unhappiness and resentment, which is then directed at men.
Now, if a woman chooses to return to the workforce after her children are grown, by all means, she is free to do so, as long as she remembers that she still must fulfil her vocation and responsibility towards her husband and her marriage.
The exception is if the woman has lost her husband and her children are grown.
In which case, she may return to the workforce full time, if she so desires.
Some widows will choose to enter religious life.
After my mother became widowed, she chose to continue working.
She was an educator and headteacher. She had six children and with grandchildren coming into the picture, she did not wish to enter religious life as she felt she still had a responsibility towards us, her children, and also her grandchildren.
She even went ahead and decided to get a PhD in Statistics at the grand age of 52 years old!!
Furthering your education AFTER you have had children can be done.
Another great alternative for women would be to work from home.
It is less stressful and you are able to live out your vocation as a wife and mother, without your children paying a heavy price.
Many traditional women who have large families find that a job in itself and most do not return to the workforce, especially outside of the home.
Running a family is very much like running a small business and when the couple has 6+ children, it is like running a small company!
What about women going to college/university to further their education?
Now, this is my own personal opinion and it has been greatly influenced by Fr. Ripperger who echoed the same thing.
If a woman feels called to marriage and family, spending years at university, acquiring debt and wasting away your fertile years is pointless.
If you can, it is best to marry young and then further your education afterwards.
I have a background in science and when I met my husband, I was in my first year of a Chemical Engineering course.
At the time, my long-term goal was to work as a research scientist, coming up with new medication and cures for diseases and so on. I really wanted to help people and make a difference in people’s lives.
All that changed drastically after I met my husband.
I realised that I would not be able to effectively combine work as a research scientist with marriage and motherhood.
I also love children and I had no intention whatsoever of not being there for my family.
Luckily, my husband insisted, even before we got married, that he wanted me to be a SAHM.
My family also agreed that it would be better for me to focus on my coming marriage and family.
So, I left the Chemical Engineering course and got married.
After marriage, I soon started itching for something to do as work.
I brushed up my skills in Cosmetic Science and started formulating botanical-based skincare and haircare products for problems like hair loss, alopecia, eczema, dermatitis, postpartum hair loss and so on.
I set my own hours, I am able to work from home and also focus on my family and marriage.
Plus, I am still making a difference in people’s lives, like I have always wanted, because, through my formulations, people are having their hair and skin problems cured.
My husband does not have a high-status career.
In fact, if I had continued my career as a Chemical Engineer, I would have been earning at least 4 times his income. So, it was a huge financial sacrifice I made, but my marriage and family, deferring to my husband, allowing myself to submit to him and be dependent on him, is more important to me than a high-flying, high-income career.
My older sister trained as an accountant and she worked full time in a high-powered role.
When her children were young, she took time off and would work from home instead.
Now that her children are older, she works outside of the house 2-3 days a week, and the rest of the days in the working week, she works from home. Family is STILL her focus.
For students and those at the start of their career, I strongly advise that you begin to discern your vocation BEFORE you decide to go to College/University.
This is the best time for you to start planning out your future. The decisions you make at this time is crucial and will make or break your future.
If you feel called to religious life, make sure that whatever course you choose to embark on will be compatible with your vocation. Will you be out in the community as a sister? Will you be in a cloister? Can you successfully combine your chosen career with religious life? All these questions will be answered by discerning, contacting your chosen religious community and talking with them.
If you feel called to marriage and family, make sure that your chosen career can be combined with marriage and motherhood. Can you take time off when children arrive? Do you have the option of working from home, even if it’s in the capacity as a consultant?
When planning your career, take into account your natural disposition and personality, your skills, your future goals for family and religious life, and then select a career that fits around that picture.
The problem with modern society today is that they attempt to fit the constant (family or community) around the transient (career), instead of the other way around
Your career will not be there for you at the end of your life; your family and community will – if you choose to have one. Doesn’t it make sense then to cultivate and invest more in the constant (family or community) than the transient?
Of course, there will be those who choose career and money over family, and they usually end up alone or die alone. What a pitiful end.
Do not let life happen to you. Be responsible. Discern and have a definite plan for your life.
Create a 5-year or 10-year plan and then work towards it.
Do not allow anyone or anything sway you away from that plan.
While dating or being courted, find out you date’s expectations of a family and marriage and share yours. If he mentions or expects that you will continue to work after marriage or he is not open to you working part-time from home, get rid of him quick!
He is a selfish and immature person that expects you to do both your job as a woman (child-bearing AND homekeeping) AND also his job as a man (providing for the family).
Do not be worried or scared that you won’t find someone else. You will, trust me!
Men looking to settle down and get married always vet women. They will go for someone younger and attractive because they are being driven by natural biological urges to choose someone that they believe is able to procreate.
In the same way, you are allowed to vet a man on his ability to provide for you and the future family.
Don’t listen to his words and promises. Don’t ever let a man waste your time and your precious fertile years.
Don’t just listen to his words and promises of being the provider. Watch his actions! Do his words and actions match up?
How is he in giving you gifts?
Does he truly want a wife or is he looking for a mother and provider?
Read my viral RED FLAGS article and watch out for predatory men who will use you and waste your time.
Despite my strong interest in psychology and science, I have always known that I wanted to be a homemaker, a traditional wife and mother, from childhood.
Thankfully, with all the resources that modern society provides, I am able to combine both.
Obviously, my family takes up the bulk of my time and focus and my husband is still the main breadwinner, but at the same time, I can somewhat fulfil my passion for helping people.
I am really private about my family, marriage etc on social media as that is my choice, but I hope that sharing this tiny bit of information about myself and my family helps encourage you somewhat.
I was wondering if women or a certain group of women are allowed/not allowed to be in a college environment
Well, due to the level of concentration and dedication required, I do not believe that women with young children should be in full-time education.
If they are able to study from home or part-time, then they can do so, but it is completely selfish and unfair on the child to have them dumped in daycare while the mother swans off into full-time education.
Women in politics
Politics is NOT a feminine industry.
In order to be successful as a politician, you will have to adopt masculine traits of ruthlessness and aggressiveness.
Now, if you are not Catholic and are unmarried, with no children, then you can choose to work in politics.
It will not bring long-term happiness or fulfilment, though and if your goal is to embrace Traditional Catholic Femininity, then being a politician is kinda counter-productive to your goal.
As Christopher Caldwell said:
“Top leadership positions in any society typically go to the more aggressive, not to the smarter.
Women who do make it to the top tend to lead “male” lives.”
Hope this answers your questions and may God guide you in making the right choices as you strive to do His Will.
Mater Dei, Sedes Sapientiae, ora pro nobis!
Mary, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us!!
ad Jesum per Mariam