I received a question from a reader on one of my social media accounts.
Below is her question:
This is a great question and there are many points to cover here, which is why I believe it warrants a full blog post in response.
So I know you’ve stated your stance on how women shouldn’t be in the workforce/politics
First of all, I never said women should not be in the workforce.
I do believe that if you are a Catholic woman who feels called to marriage, then your vocation should come first.
Your focus should be on your husband, marriage and children. Everything else comes after that.
For example, there are some religious sisters, depending on whether or not they are in a cloistered community, who are nuns as well as nurses or teachers.
Yes, they do offer their services as nurses or teachers and so on, but their primary focus is their vocation – religious life.
I do believe that a woman of childbearing years or with young children should not be in the workforce, yes. Her priority should be towards her children.
Contrary to the lies that feminism has fed us with, we cannot have it all.
Something will have to give and in many cases, it is the children that suffer.
Women attempting to ‘have it all’ has led to increasing levels of misery, dissatisfaction, depression, unhappiness and resentment, which is then directed at men.
Now, if a woman chooses to return to the workforce after her children are grown, by all means, she is free to do so, as long as she remembers that she still must fulfil her vocation and responsibility towards her husband and her marriage.
The exception is if the woman has lost her husband and her children are grown.
In which case, she may return to the workforce full time, if she so desires.
Some widows will choose to enter religious life.
After my mother became widowed, she chose to continue working.
She was an educator and headteacher. She had six children and with grandchildren coming into the picture, she did not wish to enter religious life as she felt she still had a responsibility towards us, her children, and also her grandchildren.
She even went ahead and decided to get a PhD in Statistics at the grand age of 52 years old!!
Furthering your education AFTER you have had children can be done.
Another great alternative for women would be to work from home.
It is less stressful and you are able to live out your vocation as a wife and mother, without your children paying a heavy price.
Many traditional women who have large families find that a job in itself and most do not return to the workforce, especially outside of the home.
Running a family is very much like running a small business and when the couple has 6+ children, it is like running a small company!
What about women going to college/university to further their education?
Now, this is my own personal opinion and it has been greatly influenced by Fr. Ripperger who echoed the same thing.
If a woman feels called to marriage and family, spending years at university, acquiring debt and wasting away your fertile years is pointless.
If you can, it is best to marry young and then further your education afterwards.
I have a background in science and when I met my husband, I was in my first year of a Chemical Engineering course.
At the time, my long-term goal was to work as a research scientist, coming up with new medication and cures for diseases and so on. I really wanted to help people and make a difference in people’s lives.
All that changed drastically after I met my husband.
I realised that I would not be able to effectively combine work as a research scientist with marriage and motherhood.
I also love children and I had no intention whatsoever of not being there for my family.
Luckily, my husband insisted, even before we got married, that he wanted me to be a SAHM.
My family also agreed that it would be better for me to focus on my coming marriage and family.
So, I left the Chemical Engineering course and got married.
After marriage, I soon started itching for something to do as work.
I brushed up my skills in Cosmetic Science and started formulating botanical-based skincare and haircare products for problems like hair loss, alopecia, eczema, dermatitis, postpartum hair loss and so on.
I set my own hours, I am able to work from home and also focus on my family and marriage.
Plus, I am still making a difference in people’s lives, like I have always wanted, because, through my formulations, people are having their hair and skin problems cured.
My husband does not have a high-status career.
In fact, if I had continued my career as a Chemical Engineer, I would have been earning at least 4 times his income. So, it was a huge financial sacrifice I made, but my marriage and family, deferring to my husband, allowing myself to submit to him and be dependent on him, is more important to me than a high-flying, high-income career.
My older sister trained as an accountant and she worked full time in a high-powered role.
When her children were young, she took time off and would work from home instead.
Now that her children are older, she works outside of the house 2-3 days a week, and the rest of the days in the working week, she works from home. Family is STILL her focus.
For students and those at the start of their career, I strongly advise that you begin to discern your vocation BEFORE you decide to go to College/University.
This is the best time for you to start planning out your future. The decisions you make at this time is crucial and will make or break your future.
If you feel called to religious life, make sure that whatever course you choose to embark on will be compatible with your vocation. Will you be out in the community as a sister? Will you be in a cloister? Can you successfully combine your chosen career with religious life? All these questions will be answered by discerning, contacting your chosen religious community and talking with them.
If you feel called to marriage and family, make sure that your chosen career can be combined with marriage and motherhood. Can you take time off when children arrive? Do you have the option of working from home, even if it’s in the capacity as a consultant?
When planning your career, take into account your natural disposition and personality, your skills, your future goals for family and religious life, and then select a career that fits around that picture.
The problem with modern society today is that they attempt to fit the constant (family or community) around the transient (career), instead of the other way around
Your career will not be there for you at the end of your life; your family and community will – if you choose to have one. Doesn’t it make sense then to cultivate and invest more in the constant (family or community) than the transient?
Of course, there will be those who choose career and money over family, and they usually end up alone or die alone. What a pitiful end.
Do not let life happen to you. Be responsible. Discern and have a definite plan for your life.
Create a 5-year or 10-year plan and then work towards it.
Do not allow anyone or anything sway you away from that plan.
While dating or being courted, find out you date’s expectations of a family and marriage and share yours. If he mentions or expects that you will continue to work after marriage or he is not open to you working part-time from home, get rid of him quick!
He is a selfish and immature person that expects you to do both your job as a woman (child-bearing AND homekeeping) AND also his job as a man (providing for the family).
Do not be worried or scared that you won’t find someone else. You will, trust me!
Men looking to settle down and get married always vet women. They will go for someone younger and attractive because they are being driven by natural biological urges to choose someone that they believe is able to procreate.
In the same way, you are allowed to vet a man on his ability to provide for you and the future family.
Don’t listen to his words and promises. Don’t ever let a man waste your time and your precious fertile years.
Don’t just listen to his words and promises of being the provider. Watch his actions! Do his words and actions match up?
How is he in giving you gifts?
Does he truly want a wife or is he looking for a mother and provider?
Read my viral RED FLAGS article and watch out for predatory men who will use you and waste your time.
Despite my strong interest in psychology and science, I have always known that I wanted to be a homemaker, a traditional wife and mother, from childhood.
Thankfully, with all the resources that modern society provides, I am able to combine both.
Obviously, my family takes up the bulk of my time and focus and my husband is still the main breadwinner, but at the same time, I can somewhat fulfil my passion for helping people.
I am really private about my family, marriage etc on social media as that is my choice, but I hope that sharing this tiny bit of information about myself and my family helps encourage you somewhat.
I was wondering if women or a certain group of women are allowed/not allowed to be in a college environment
Well, due to the level of concentration and dedication required, I do not believe that women with young children should be in full-time education.
If they are able to study from home or part-time, then they can do so, but it is completely selfish and unfair on the child to have them dumped in daycare while the mother swans off into full-time education.
Women in politics
Politics is NOT a feminine industry.
In order to be successful as a politician, you will have to adopt masculine traits of ruthlessness and aggressiveness.
Now, if you are not Catholic and are unmarried, with no children, then you can choose to work in politics.
It will not bring long-term happiness or fulfilment, though and if your goal is to embrace Traditional Catholic Femininity, then being a politician is kinda counter-productive to your goal.
Here is a reason why women should not be in masculine industries
As Christopher Caldwell said:
“Top leadership positions in any society typically go to the more aggressive, not to the smarter.
Women who do make it to the top tend to lead “male” lives.”
Hope this answers your questions and may God guide you in making the right choices as you strive to do His Will.
Mater Dei, Sedes Sapientiae, ora pro nobis!
Mary, Seat of Wisdom, pray for us!!
MORE RESOURCES:
Vocations: Answering God’s Call
ad Jesum per Mariam
🌹🙏🌹
Traditional Catholic Femininity 🌹🙏🌹 
‘the grand age of 52 years old!!’ Lol!
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These male comments are hysterical. Their outlook is similar to Muslim men. “Allowing” women to do anything is their first mistake. They are NOT God. I listen to Jesus alone. A man’s focus must also be on his spouse, his marriage and his children. The comments by priests show a lack of understanding for what a good marriage requires. Not surprising.
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Dear Tradcatfem.com,
I agree. God created females to be feminine and males to be masculine. Women and girls are called by God to rely on God through their father and then their husband. This means that men are called to provide for their daughters or and their wife. Each Catholic home has a man who is responsible for providing for himself and everyone he is responsible for in that home. Hence, each home has one male breadwinner alone. Not two breadwinners.
In the world, Feminism has lead to middle class women going out of the family home to work full time on a man’s salary after university. Result? House prices triple or quadruple rapidly and then middle class women HAVE to go out to work full time out of sheer necessity. No going back now even if we want to.
Rent costs the same as a mortgage.
Deposits are at the price of an entire house 20 years ago.
A Catholic man cannot financially afford to get married now.
How many Catholic men do you know who provide as well as their grandfathers did on one salary?
Thanks for the article here, mam.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs Darley
SSPX Great Britain
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Hello Elizabeth
I think the problem many of us experience in the modern world is a desire to keep up with the Jones.
Once you take that out of the equation and focus on the family, it is easier to make the sacrifices needed for a family.
And if a Catholic is truly financially unable to get married (aka unable to make necessary sacrifices), then he is not ready to get married or date.
As for the Catholic men that are able to be sole breadwinners, I know of many – my husband is one.
Sacrifices were made. We downsized, we moved to a cheaper area, we became quite frugal.
It can be done, but modern men have become astonishingly lazy, fat on modern comforts and unwilling to put in any effort.
A truly godly Catholic man will have no problem with work and sacrifice – it is God’s mandate after all
God bless!
Paige
TradCatFem
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Also, see
Courtship and Marriage Tips For Low Income Men. 👇👇
https://tradcatfem.com/2017/07/31/courtship-and-marriage-tips-for-low-income-catholic-men/
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When I was in high school I think I was the only one who was determined NOT to go to college or university. My teachers were dumbfounded and probably thought I was crazy. I chose not to go because I didn’t want to end up with student loans. The thought of chaining myself to a career was always odious to me, and my desires at that time were to enter religious life. I was pressured to go to university but I held out and after a couple years I was able to find a traditional religious order with the Latin Mass (something that I had thought was lost forever). I entered their convent and stayed with them for 2.5 years, but was given a grace to discern that it was not my vocation, and God made it very clear that He intended me for marriage. It broke my heart to leave the convent because I did love the life very dearly, but God gave me the strength to return to the world and find my spouse. Several years passed and I still had not found him, but I didn’t give up and trusted that I would know him when I saw him. People began to pressure me again to go to university but again I held out, not wanting to give my future spouse a debt instead of a dowry. I had to trust that what God had begun in me He would bring to fruition. I’m so glad I persevered in this resolve because I finally found the man God has prepared for me!
Last year I felt compelled to join the Chartres pilgrimage, and in preparation I made a 40-day rosary novena to Our Lady to find my spouse. I had a very specific and rather tall order of the kind of man I wanted. On the last day of the novena I met up with the other pilgrims preparing for the pilgrimage, and that is when I met my fiance. He was everything I had asked for and so much more: a true man of God, like St. Joseph, and with a beautiful devotion to Our Lady. Our courtship went pretty quickly because we both knew right away that we had been intended for each other. We are best friends and have the same desires to offer to God a holy family, another Nazareth. He wants me to be a SAHM too, as we both agree that our primary vocation will be our marriage and all the children God is pleased to give us (we are hoping for lots!). I am so grateful that I don’t have any student loans because he would have to pay them off after we are married. He has waited many years to find me but he never gave up hope. He chose to remain alone rather than marry the wrong woman. We are getting married this spring and will return to Chartres in thanksgiving for the graces we received last year. Deo gratias!
Just thought I would share my little story, as encouragement to others. Don’t give up and don’t stop praying.
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What a lovely story – I pray God blesses you with the family you want !
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Paige I am really struggling to find anything I disagree with or which I can add !
Accept possibly to say that married women should respect the opinion of their husband, as to how priorities are addressed and what if any work outside the home is acceptable.
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Women and men as God made them both have varying amounts of talents. Ordinary women, I suppose, as you define them in your article, should not multitask because stress is never good. However, having had a wonderful exposure to brilliant women who have Phd’s, or MD’s, and great Christian children. And there are those Jewish women in Israel who have large families, 5 or more children, and teach medicine.
One asks how do they do it? Well, God gave them extraordinary talents and insights that amaze the simple mortal being. They do not multi-task but just perform their tasks with such ease. When women have I.Q.’s above 130 and great up bringing, they can both raise a family and contribute their God given talent to society as well.
As we are taught, do not hide your light under a bushel.
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1) IQ is not an indication of how effective a mother a woman would be – this argument of yours is ridiculous!
2) Just because they are capable of or desire to have large families AND a full time career DOES NOT make it right – this argument of yours makes no sense.
3) This is a traditional Catholic blog, so Jewish traditions are not applicable here.
4) Catholics believe God has given us vocations and we are to live out our vocations the way He intended, not the way we want.
To me, a woman choosing to have children and a full time career is just as ridiculous as a woman who chooses to be a nun as well as a wife and mother.
5) Jewish, Catholic or not, psychological, scientific and sociological studies have shown that children who do not have adequate bonding time with their biological mother in the formative years (usually because mommy is off building a career and dumping Johnny at daycare) tend to have a lot of developmental problems like ADHD, autism, personality disorders like sociopathy or psychopathy.
6) If you choose to bring children into this world, THEY ARE YOUR PRIORITY, NOT YOUR TALENTS.
Stop twisting and misquoting Scripture. You will be held accountable on judgement day if the way you raised your children caused their souls to go to Hell.
A human soul, lovingly created by God, places high priority over any talents a person may have.
7) The fact that you place value on talents over human life of children is incredibly disturbing. The fact that you make a comparison between both is worse. Next, you will be arguing the comparative costs of raising a child versus a cat!
This attitude of dehumanising of children is a reason why abortions and child abuse is on the rise.
8) A woman who chooses to work while having lots of kids is selfish and irresponsible, with no consideration for the wellbeing of the children.
A child is not a pet, you know. A child requires much more than clothes on their back, food on the table and a roof over their head. A child,
in order to develop properly and be a fully functional well-adjusted person, needs to not only have their physical needs met, but also their emotional, mental and psychological needs met too.
9) The fact that you are a man is very revealing and a true indication of the selfish expectations you have of women. You really want a woman to bear 5+ kids AND work full time in a demanding, stressful job like medicine?? Disgusting. I hope to God you are not married and if you are, that your wife wises up and puts her foot down. You need to GROW UP, MAN UP and take care of your family by providing for them!! After all, God wants you to fully use YOUR TALENTS and He would give you the grace to do your duty, right?
Otherwise, don’t have a family.
10) Again, just because a person is capable of doing it DOES NOT MAKE IT HEALTHY OR OKAY……..ESPECIALLY FOR THE CHILDREN.
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Well, your ten points are interesting; however, I believe what I can add may help your concerns.
1) IQ does indicate outcome in a majority of cases. BUT, this does not mean the graces granted by God to mother and father does not help. In fact, as St. Thomas as said simplicity of faith is a greater gift than knowledge.
IQ measures have greatly changed since the 1940’s, the recent ten years have seen great advances in pin pointing various problems, i.e. football injuries.
Prayer overcomes all things.
2) Desire and right and capability are all different characteristics of being human. I would assume most faithful Catholics and Christians desire to serve our Lord. I would say we have no “rights” as to the number of children one is blessed by God with.
Our capability is very individual based. Only the person themselves can know what God wishes them to do.
3) Okay.
4) Vocations are what God gives to us. The burden they bear is lightened by God’s grace. Children are always wonderful gifts to be held and loved.
5) I am in complete agreement with not dumping Johnny at day care. Mothers should be with their children 24/7. Highly educated catholic women are mothers too.
6) I agree that we will be judged by what we say and do and think.
Every child is by the grace of God and is always welcomed. The light under the bushel was in respect to the individual’s God given talents and graces. We are individuals with very different measures that shine brightly.
Once again, women are very different.
7) Human life is very important. And, education is very important. Mothers should take care of their children. Formally educated or not.
8) Agree. If you don’t have time don’t work and take care of the children.
9) Men as husbands should be in agreement with the wife that they have. It is important that both care for their children.
10) Agree.
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Maybe there needs to be a system in place within church communities etc where singles can meet each other so it is less difficult to “find” your spouse. Perhaps churches can have singles nights or get togethers to encourage opposites sexes to meet each other. Otherwise, I see -both women and men- remaining single “for the Glory of God” well into their 40s sometimes and never having a family, then saying they are “suffering for God” and that it is better to be single than unequally yoked or they put that energy into career, missions, adoption other things in the name of God but are still unhappy. Is it a sin also if we are unhappy and begrudgingly thinking we are being celibate due to circumstances (inadvertent or self-inflicted) and saying it is for God? I enjoyed this article- made me reflect on a lot of singles I see in this situation. I do agree, many women are more masculine these days.
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I think a lot of women, myself, have been fed lies.
I got married in my late 20s. Twice I had the opportunity to get married at 20 & 23, and I turned both men down because I too believed the modernist lie about building a career first and marriage later
Thankfully, though I met my husband at a crucial point of my career and could’ve turned him down as well,
I didn’t.
We all have been fed feminist lies and this is why women are miserable.
We have been deceived into believing we can have it all, but we can’t.
Better to excel in one field than be a worn-down, stressed-out, jack of all trades and master of none
Better to be happy and content with little than lose your sanity, health and happiness chasing money.
Depression, suicides, cancer and other diseases are on the rise because people glorify being busy and chasing after everything, literally into an early grave.
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Some people just never found the right person to marry. Life’s not fair. We aren’t entitled to marriage and love, to finding someone we love who loves us back, who is also worthy and capable of marriage besides. Even if we are prayerful. So it’s no sin. Some people find it easy to date and marry “nice” and fall in love with the person for that. Others, hold out for deep connection on many levels, and that’s hard to find at any age.
There are a lot of aging single holy people in my Catholic circles. They seem lonely or slightly on the fringe for sure. It aches my heart. We don’t know why each never married or entered consecrated life. But they live in chastity and deep in religious service and worship, and worthwhile labor, whether paid or in service of family or community. Surely this is a valid witness of Christ. We all carry Crosses, for sure.
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Wow! This post really made me reflect. I share some of the opinions in this post however unpopular it may be in this day and age. I have gone to graduate school and am in a field where for many women they have decided to be career-women from before heading off to law school/medicine/ higher education. Other women in their late 20s, into late 30s who are Christian and some not who did want the full package are finding themselves single and childless because they spent so much focus on career/grad school/bar exams then establishing themselves in this shaky economy. After all that they are in their 30s and realize the dating/courting pool is limited or they start widening their choices outside of their religion/nationality/class etc. Another issue I see is the further “we” women go “up” we want someone equal or “higher” to us in education, intellect and status -and in my opinion there is even more limited people to choose from at the top.
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