So heartbroken over a post I saw by a young woman in an online Catholic women’s forum.
This lady has been married for less than a year and discovered that her husband has been cheating on her from month 6 of their marriage.
She says they were both virgins before marriage. I doubt that.
She may have been a virgin, but this man clearly wasn’t. I suspect he hid his sexual perversions from her
She also said that they dated for about 6 years before marriage.
This is why I echo what Fr Ripperger says: courtship should never be more than 2 years before marriage.
The Stages of a Catholic courtship should be used as a guideline and you must end the relationship if it is not progressing through the different courtship/dating stages in a timely manner.
There is A REASON why a man is stalling and none of them are good.
Don’t listen to the excuses or justifications he is giving; actions and behaviour speak louder than words.
Trust the pattern he is showing you.
When a man waits that long before marrying the woman he is dating, chances are that he settled for her and a man that settles this way is more likely to abuse and mistreat the woman.
Like the cheating itself isn’t bad enough and abusive enough, she mentions that they have no children because he turns her down for sex.
So this man can be a community penis for every other woman, but won’t have sex with his own wife??! 🙄
A lot of women on the forum were telling her, rightly so, to get the marriage annulled esp as he is turning her down for sex, there are no children and the marriage is less than a year old.
The guy clearly lied to her prior to marriage.
He married her under false pretenses. This is a scam and a manipulation.
But she says she doesn’t want to.
It could be that she may be ashamed that she made the choice to marry someone who treats her this way and is ashamed at what people would say if they divorce now.
But the abuse will only get worse and the shame and pain experienced later would be far greater than what it is now.
The shame is not hers to carry – it is his shame and she shouldn’t carry it.
When abusers and predators have got you locked down, they often remove their masks and you get to see the evil behind them.
You should never be afraid to walk away from a relationship if the other person suddenly changes after you become exclusive, or after you get engaged or even after you just got married.
In addition, I fear for her life because cases like these often end up in murder.
The guy kept her waiting for so long, then married her out of desperation and now that he has her trapped , he is off looking for a more suitable person.
A person this cold, callous and calculating will have no problems whatsoever killing and discarding their spouse when they decide that they have now “found the love of their life that they have been looking for”
This is why people who lack empathy are dangerous.
They do not value you, they do not value your relationship or marriage, and they do not value your life.
Think of the Chris Watt’s case.
It is better to remain single than to get trapped in a union where you are mistreated, abused, and ultimately in danger for your life.
Do not be so desperate to get married that you allow a guy to lead you, make you wait years to get married, that you overlook red flags or that you think your virtues will change this person.
It is okay and Biblical to have standards and to be picky.
As a Catholic woman, you are supposed to be picky, to value your virtues, and to have boundaries. Your boundaries are the walls that protect your virtues and femininity.
The red flags have been there all along, but this lady chose to ignore them then and is still choosing to ignore them now.
Don’t be like this.
Red flags never get better; they get far worse.
Predators sell you a dream, but deliver a nightmare.
Marriage IS serious business and should not be entered into lightly, should not be entered into with an unsuitable person, and should definitely not be entered into based simply on just ‘feelings’ or a desire to get married.
So, please I beg of you, educate yourself, your daughters and your sisters on all these topics below.
Print out and file the articles, if you must, so you can easily refer back to them again and again. Share this post with other people so they took do not get trapped by predators in false, scam marriages and relationships.
Watch for the Early Red Flags of Abusive or Predatory People
Your relationships should be progressing through the stages of a courtship in a timely manner.
A man keeping you waiting should be insulting to you because he is clearly exploiting your time and youth.
This is why you should never wait for a guy.
Make sure the man you are dating is marriage-minded.
If he is not, he is definitely wasting your time and exploiting you.
You should feel offended that anyone is treating you this way and you should walk away.
Your relationship should be exhibiting these growth markers and should be steadily progressing through certain goals – if it is not, you would be best advised to leave.
Remaining in stagnant relationships is invitation to be mistreated and abused.
And you can find even more advice and tips HERE
Simplemindedness and lack of wisdom is NOT a virtue.
When Jesus Himself warns us of wolves in sheep clothing and tells us to stay away from them and to not be unequally yoked, why do we persist in disobeying Him and then get surprised and hurt when abusive, neglectful, predatory person does abusive, neglectful, predatory things.
Our Lady, Seat Of Wisdom, Pray For Us
ad Jesum per Mariam